Kivutha Kibwana Deemed too ‘Uncorrupt’ to be President

The verdict on Kivutha Kibwana is out: loud and clear. Kenyans have unanimously agreed that the Governor of Makueni County lacks the minimum viable level of corruption needed to become a president in 2022.

Ordinary citizens, politicians, political analysts, political scientists, street analysts, jobless youths, injustice victims, marginalized tribes and even the cows of Kenya unanimously agreed that Prof Kivutha Kibwana is not corrupt enough. He lacks the minimum threshold of corruption needed for one to become a president and thus unfit for the top office.

Not Good Enough

This sets the good old Professor of Law on a path to get only two votes in 2022 – or three, depending on whether his children will vote.

“Teaching village women budget participation is not what it takes to become a president. We need someone who can do another SGR from Nairobi to Lamu. Instilling some national pride is part of the president’s job.”

Kivutha Kibwana engaging in civic education
Kivutha Kibwana Interacting with people who cannot even afford corruption

Not even his impeccable record in civil service, law, education or even his three Master’s Degrees could count. That he started teaching at the University when he was 22 was considered to be a sign of lack of appetite for big money. Lecturers have always earned peanuts.

School of Corruption

“With neither the ambition to join the dynasties nor the avarice that characterizes the hustlers, what the hell does this guy even stand for?” wondered one jobless youth (tarmacking for the 7th year) who is now a self-appointed political analyst. “We will vote for him on Twitter but on the ballot, we need our person to be there.”

Some former MCAs in Makueni also added voice to the debate. “He spent his first term fighting the MCAs because they wanted to allocate themselves 20% of all the County budget. This is what happens in all the other 46 counties. Clearly, this idiot Kibwana does not even understand the building blocks of corruption. How can he become president?”

Kivutha Kibwana with Children
Kivutha Kibwana yet again interacting with people of zero corruption value

We appreciate the mangoes in Makueni County. But on this issue about being President, we will stick to our tested thieves.

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