Ten Key Points from Uhuru’s Speech

The president has spoken. As usual, nobody knows for sure what he said because that is how it is meant to be (Relax, it is not because you are stupid). That is why PostaMate breaks it down for you.


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Important Points

  1. First, the delay in giving directives was not due to laziness. Uhuru was busy looking for complicated words to confuse you. The fact that you are here means that most likely he succeeded in that.
  2. Lockdown is simply a period meant to help to deal with lock. Since we have not been drinking, there is no need for a lockdown.
  3. When all is said and not done, Kenya’s policy on Covid-19 remains ‘If Bad then Bad.’
  4. University education is not essential. Take your entitlement elsewhere.
  5. Tanzania is screwed up but consistency is key. They must continue to act their part to the end.
  6. I am a war time president. I deserve my respect guys (that was for Tangatanga).
  7. At worst, you are likely to kill your loved ones, or at best make them bury you (if you continue behaving normally). Choose today.
  8. Curfew will go on as long as masks live.
  9. Alcohol will social distance from you until you realize that minute maid lasts for more than a minute.
  10. The police will resume normal operations. Wear your helmets.

Now you are up to date.

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