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The Mike Oliver Pandemic

Forget Covid-19. Another pandemic has been spreading like bushfire in Kenya. The name of the virus is Mike Oliver.

In a scandal that has exposed that many people are willing to do almost anything for money, only that the amount differs from person to person, a number of Kenyan women have had an affair with a tourist who came to Kenya to practice tourism prostitution.

Health experts are now focusing on contact tracing and isolating the infected persons who number a few dozens, but could even be more because in many cases cameras were not involved.

The virus on question – Mike Oliver 19 – is highly contagious and used money to attract unsuspecting victims who ended up in some high-end establishments under the false assumption that they were the only ones receiving the preferential treatment. Unknown to them, the tourist was just a male prostitute who had money and the victims were many.

In an interview with the virus, Mike Oliver said that he had done nothing wrong, saying that he was out to expose how cheap people can be. “I agree that I am cheaper, but I wanted to prove that I am in good company. I just found a few cheap women who have been overrun by poverty and have the morals of a spotted hyena.”

More Kenyan than Real Kenyans

To be fair, Mike Oliver is not the vilest of all sinners. His only crime is that he is white, and white lives don’t matter. Comrades who are living in the neighborhood of the poverty line have done worse in terms of head count, and one is left to wonder what would happen if they had the financial muscle the one Mike Oliver commands.

The script is similar with many prominent Kenyans who even have boys club to coordinate their sexual escapades, while other prominent politicians are known to have a number of people who offer such services on speed dial.

It is obvious that Mike Oliver has the DNA of a Kenyan politician and the morals of a Kenyan voter.