The oldest living person in Kenya today has finally revealed the secret to longevity. Luckily, it is something within reach for the majority of people in the world.
Ms Kanana Kagwiria who hails from Meru County was forced to come out of retirement for the 85th time and address a serious matter that is threatening humanity today, saying that her only wish is that people live as long as her. She revealed that true secret to a long life is simply avoiding begging for retweets and like from internet strangers.
“I know it sounds simple, but that is the truth. Sometimes the truth is hidden in simplicity and this is the case. You cannot live long if your primary occupation is to beg for retweets on social media. You may choose to ignore this but remember that I am the one who is 114 years old and not you.”
Experts seem to agree that the granny has a point and it is just a matter of time before social scientists come to the same conclusion. “The granny has valid data because she is 114 years old and the regular social media experts today are only 29 years old on average. You better take her seriously.”
Asking what is the fate of those who have already engaged in the vice, the granny suggested that only time will tell, but the first step they could try is to quit social media completely for three months to allow for their senses to regroup.
Now, this is the kind of grandmother you should not insult.
PostaMate is a satirical publication by PostaMate Media. Read more HERE