Social Sports

Jubilee: “5 New Stadiums Would take 75 Years to Build”

The Jubilee government wants you to put on your brain and ensure that it is plugged in, before you can repeat the fake news that they promised to build five stadiums in Kenya.

During the reopening of the Nyayo Stadium which had been closed for the last three years due to some minor repairs, President Uhuru Kenyatta stared at Kenyans with eyes that seemed to say that they were not good in maths.

Jubilee Logic

The logic is very straightforward.

If it takes three years to repair one stadium at a cost of 650 million, how long would it take to build five new stadiums from scratch?

Only a select few can get that math right. If you are not among those, trying using Pastor Ng’ang’a’s Mathematics app.

Experts have figured out that it would take 15 years to build one ultra modern stadium, and 75 years to build the 5 stadiums. It logically follows that the promise to build the five stadiums was a high-level joke by Jubilee but since Kenyans lack a sense of humor, the joke is on them.

“It was only a joke,” said Raphael Tuju when questioned by journalists who of course are journalists because they never had a good relationship with Maths. “Jubilee did not intend to be in power for 75 years. Kenyans missed the joke and it is not our fault.”

Cost

Besides the time required, the cost is also another factor. If it costs 650 million to do some minor repairs on a functional, normal stadium, it is obvious that it would take 23 billion to build an ultra-modern stadium. Multiply this by 5 and you have another SGR, and Kenyans are tired of mega projects.

But are stadiums even necessary? Jubilee also thinks no. “We had the likes of Kipchoge keino and Joe Kadenge even before we had stadiums. The current generation is lazy and may not even use stadiums. Let them play on TikTok.”

Case closed.