Parliament Considering Abolishing the Judiciary in Favor of Council of Elders

Kenyan legislators are considering abolishing the old school colonial rooted Judiciary and replacing it with a more Afro-centric council of elders.

In a quickly drafted motion that is set to go through the first reading, second reading, committee stage and third reading in a record 27 minutes, legislators said they wanted to get rid of any colonial establishment and establish a justice system that is more aligned to our traditional values as Africans.

The announcement came as a shock to many people in the Judiciary since most of them do not have skills that can allow them to operate outside the established legal systems. Lawyers are already raring for a fight but this won’t matter because once the Parliament abolishes the Judiciary, the cry of lawyers will have no bigger consequences than the act of Somalia issuing a travel advisory against Kenya.

The New Order

If the proposal by the Parliament goes through, Judiciary will be replaced by a council of elders who will be tasked with settling all disputes and will be the Third Arm of the Government.

Speaker Justin Muturi said that elders are better positioned to act as the Judiciary because it won’t cost much and you will never hear them crying about budget allocations or even Mercedes S500.

How will the new legal system look like? Very simple. “If someone is accused of stealing public funds, they will be asked by the elders to confess and return four times that they have stolen. If they deny, they will be asked to go round a baobab, Mugumo or acacia tree seven times. If they are innocent, nothing happens. If they are guilty, they will be turned into a goat, a chicken, a fish or even a plate of Waru, depending on the region where the case is being heard. After that, the former accused person (now a roast chicken) will have his property forfeit to the state.”

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