A precedent has been set in Kenya, where hustlers get to own Lexus at 23 years of age. Dynasties attain the same feat at 2.3 years.
If you are feeling like you are failing your ancestors because you are either over 23 and majorly powered by Fuliza, or you are not yet 23 but you project that at 23 you will be poorer than you are now, we have some good news for you. We have come up with some tested methods that can help you get that Lexus at 23.
Here are 8 guaranteed ways of getting that Lexus:
- This one is the simplest.
Go to an open field, make a mark on the ground, walk for 100 metres and make a second mark. Now, walk back to the first mark in less than 9 seconds. Money will rain.
- Time travel:
Go back in time and altar the course of history. Find a way of moving your family from hustlers to dynasties.
- Government tender:
Depending on the amount of money you are willing to give as a kickback, you can register a company today and get government tenders worth millions of shillings tomorrow. Godspeed.
- Just steal.
Tenders involve too much paper work and supplying goods when you can easily be paid to supply air. This has the advantage that your children will start to speak German. If you are caught, just claim that they are targeting hustlers or go to Capitol Hill for cleansing.
- Start a church.
We are not talking about mainstream churches where the pastor has some theological training and audited books of account are produced every year. We are talking about a ministry where you will be teaching people about giving and tithing, and you will pocket all the money. Ensure that you attract high net worth congregants. For more info on this kindly talk to Pastor Kanyari.
- Become a cybercriminal.
We know most banks are still using Windows XP. Why don’t you make use of your certificate in computer packages to siphon ten bob from every account in the Bank and send it to your account? No one will notice, and banks will be too ashamed to admit. Nigerians are the masters of this game.
- Become a politician
This may be hard to implement since elections do not happen every time, and you will need to win before you can start getting the money. You can start at the MCA level.
- Get a job
We hope that you are not stupid enough to believe this one, but it is a good step to keep you busy as you plan on how to achieve the first seven.
What is your excuse, lazy bum.
PostaMate is a satirical publication by PostaMate Media. Read more HERE