Economics

ICPAK drops Generally Accepted Accounting Principles (GAAP) in Favor of Carefully Rigged Accounting Principles (CRAP)

The Institute of Certified Public Accountants in Kenya has finally taken the bold step to demystify accounting and ‘tell it as it is’, by revealing the insider tricks used to create the revered books of accounts.

In an attempt to help the mere mortals who cannot tell the difference between debit and credit, ICPAK has resulted to use of more honest naming system which better depicts the truth behind those numbers you see in the books that you never understand. Instead of talking about Generally accepted accounting principles, accountants will now talk about Carefully rigged accounting principles because that is exactly what they are.

The decision is one of the biggest shifts in the accounting profession, a field which has always been about figures and more figures. Even the Auditor General has often admitted that Accounting is the field where fake news was born, and anything can be justified as long as you have smart accountants.

Fiction

“Accounting is not as simple and straightforward as we have made you believe. It is usually the work of creative writers who use spreadsheets and others tools to present the greatest work of fiction ever, using numbers. We are able to make the figures say whatever the stakeholders want said, and it is all within the law.”

The change will help make accountants more credible because this is something that the elite population has always known. “We knew from the beginning that you can create audited books of accounts from thin air, and the balance sheets has nothing to do with incomes or expenditures. This is what accounting is all about and we are glad that ICPAK is taking the step towards transparency.”

Kenyans will now be in a better place to understand why companies never make losses until the management needs them to, why money is never ‘eaten’ unless the government wants to finish you, or even why companies that died 12 years ago continue to make profits and post impressive results on paper.