Manchester United to Replace Harry Maguire with a Teddy Bear

Manchester United has moved with speed to strengthen their defense by replacing Harry Maguire with a second hand teddy bear whose main quality is the ability to make the ball bounce off its fluffy body.

Following the United’s 6-1 defeat to Tottenham yesterday, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has said that a teddy bear was a more affordable and effective alternative to Harry Maguire, and would cost way much less. 

“The teddy bear may not be big enough and may not run as fast as Maguire, but we are assured that we are not conceding 6 goals in any other match – something Harry cannot promise.”

Taking solace in the fact that they are in good company of Liverpool, Manchester United fans are happy with this move and know very well that things cannot get any worse. The bottom has been hit.

Meanwhile, Harry will be required to socially distance himself from Manchester United for the rest of the season.

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