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Study: Oxygen More Addictive Than Previously Thought

A groundbreaking study by the Kenyatta University School of Health Sciences has revealed fresh new insights into the addictive nature of oxygen and its long term negative effects on human life.

The study which has taken tens of years has shown that oxygen is more addictive than all drugs that are abused by people all over the world, and has the deadliest withdrawal symptoms.

“It is the most potent addictive thing that is widely used by people, and it is also cuts across different species because even animals use it. No other drug has such a wide usage, and only plants seems to have broken free from this addiction.”

So powerful is the drug that withdrawal kills in a few minutes, and there are no known cases of successful withdrawal or rehabilitation therapy. “Besides the plants and a few anaerobic respirators, almost every living thing on the planet is addicted to oxygen. As climate change continues to reduce the amount of oxygen in the atmosphere, we need to start rehabilitating people and help them break free from this oxygen dependency.”

This is the first ever study on the addictive nature of oxygen. Previously, it had been postulated that oxygen could be a poisonous stuff that takes about 70 years to kill people, but little study had been done about it.

Uphill Task

It will be a hard to get people to quit oxygen. According to the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, it will cost about $ 13,000 to rehabilitate each and every person and although this would cost more than the total GDP of planet earth, the benefits would be immense. “Breaking free from oxygen dependency would make it possible for man to live on other planets. This single opportunity outweighs all the costs.”

Why is it even legal? While other less addictive drugs have been banned in most places, oxygen continues to be legally available and even offered free of charges. Experts think that the reason why it has not been made illegal is because there are no cartels that are involved in the distribution and making it illegal will lead to rise of powerful cartels.

“If we make it illegal, you will see dozens of oxygen lords starting to emerge from everywhere. We are better off without banning that stuff.”