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Jambojet Temporarily Bans Farting on Planes as Holiday Travel Surges

Kenya’s low-cost airline, Jambojet, has moved with speed to temporarily ban passing wind on planes during the festive season.

Seeking to tame a common problem that affects innocent passengers who fly during the festive season, Jambojet CEO said that the airline was concerned that too much eating combined with too much flying is a threat to the well being of people, hence the need to act before disaster strikes. Consequently, the airline will temporarily ban farting on planes until the festive season is over.

“We are responding to seasonal dynamics, where many people are eating a lot and traveling a lot. That lethal combination has the potential to ruin the flying experience of most people and this is what we are trying to contain. We have no intentions of interfering with nature in any way.”

Enforcing the Ban

The ban will be hard to enforce, but Jambojet has it figured out. Flight attendants will be armed with portable devices that will be used to identify farting passengers so that appropriate action can be taken. “We have a gas detector that is quite accurate. When use at least three of them placed at different locations near the offending party, we are able to pinpoint the location of the offending passenger via triangulation with 99.9999% accuracy. We can’t be wrong.”

While it easy to identify the offenders, Jambojet has not revealed all the enforcement plans. What will happen to the offenders? Will they be forced to alight midflight? Will they be sedated and drugged with bicarbonate of soda? Do they have a way to safely extract all the fart from the offender and dispose it? Those questions remain unanswered. Fortunately, the ban is temporary and passengers will be able to enjoy those silent lethal farts after the holiday season is over.

No more flatulence in turbulence.