Garissa County Assembly Fire Caused by Unwanted Evidence

The fire accident that consumed Garissa County Assembly chambers and several offices this morning was caused by unwanted evidence, according to Kenya Red Cross.

The morning inferno that started at 8:15 am quickly spread to any part of the Assembly that held documents that were not needed, focusing majorly on the ones that had previously drawn the interest of the DCI or the Auditor General.

So precise was the fire that any document that was of little monetary evidence such as those already in waste bins and CVs of hundreds of job seekers were largely unaffected. The fire also followed the usual script; going unnoticed for several minutes and the fire fighters arriving almost one hour later just to give the fire enough time to do prove that it was an accident.

“The cause of the fire which is still unknown is unwanted evidence. We will be investigating to find out how the fire started, but we know the cause is just unwanted evidence, just as it happens in all Counties in Kenya.”

A Win for Garissa

The County Assembly Speaker has announced that the reconstruction of the Assembly will cost hundreds of millions, and the usual suppliers who have made a fortune trading with the County Government will get another opportunity to line their pockets with another inflated tender.

“It is a win-win situation. MCAs will get a break from work and resume in a new building, although there will be no salary break. The County Government officials who were scared of the auditor general have nothing to worry about because the auditor general cannot talk to ashes. The distinguished citizens of Garissa County will also get a new County Assembly which will be very Instagrammable.”

Red Cross fire fighters said that County Government buildings had turned out to be one of the most inflammable substances in the world, especially just after money has been eaten, which is basically all the time. Due to this, Red Cross has a standby rescue squad in every county, although they have been warned that they should only show up one hour after the fire starts.

They also predicted more fires between now and 2022 as outgoing officials do final clean ups before their terms end.

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