Governance

IMF Petitions Britain to Recall its Failed Former Colony, Kenya

The International Monetary Fund wants Britain to take charge of its former colony of Kenya, noting that the independent country is neither governable nor viable.

In a letter to Queen Elizabeth through Donal McCabe, the head of Royal Communications and Communications Secretary to the Queen, IMF said that Kenya has shown all the full signs of a failed state, and no intervention can help.

“The country is in a very stupid mess, but even the citizen will not let anybody help. It is like a patient chasing away a doctor. They have chosen death.”

IMF warned that the collapse of the country would lead to a dangerous vacuum which could resemble the situation in Somalia or Syria, thus asking Britain to get back their piece of property before it is too late.

“If Britain takes back the colony, we will be assured of stability for the next fifty years before a new government can be formed. This is not the best way forward but it is the only viable solution at hand.”

Possible Recolonization

It is not clear whether Britain will take up the challenge, but should they opt, the odds are in their favour.

“There is no risk of a Mau Mau style rebellion; only a few hashtags and ranting online. Even if Kenyans chose violence, we have enough troops in Nanyuki to neutralize any threat. This means that taking over the country should be possible.”

Even Kenyans seemed to entertain the idea after it emerged that the colonial Kenya had less loans than the current Kenya. They also prefer foreign colonialists as opposed to the local ones that the country has at the moment.

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