Economics

Cytonn Assures Investors that their Returns are in Heaven

Cytonn Investments has assured all the people who invested in The Cytonn High Yield Solutions (CHYS) that they will definitely get their money plus the full returns, here on earth, and if not, most definitely in heaven.

Responding to social media noise that CHYS had failed to pay some early investors, Cytonn CEO Edwin Dande told the few disgruntled elements to remain hopeful because they would certainly get their reward, most likely in heaven.

“Our investors should not be short sighted. Cytonn will pay them in due time. If not, they are still assured of a mansion, a crown of gold and a white robe when they get to heaven. This is bigger reward than the little amount of money that they invested in the CHYS. There is absolutely no cause for alarm.”

The investors had complained that while they were supposed to be paid in 2019, their payments were delayed due to Covid-19. This is despite the fact that some chaps in China had not started eating poorly cooked bats (We take this opportunity to remind you that you should properly cook your bat before eating).

This claim was dismissed by Cytonn, instead asking the small investors to focus on the big picture.

“Once the pearly gates swing open wide, these investors will forget all the labor, toil and losses that they have faced here on earth. It will be joy untold, greater than the 14.78% returns that they expected. This is the hope that they should cling to.”

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