Governance

Kitui Man Sues Uhuru Kenyatta at a Witchdoctor’s Court for Cherry-Picking Judges to Gazzette

A Kitui man has filed a case against president Uhuru Kenyatta for cherry-picking the judges to appoint instead of appointing all of them as demanded by law. While this should be a natural consequence of Uhuru’s decision, the surprising part is that the case has been filed at a Witchdoctor’s court instead of the ordinary court.

The decision to file the case at a witchdoctor’s court was informed by the fact that all the judges in Kenya were disqualified from hearing the case due to a conflict of interest.

Speaking to AFP, the man who asked for anonymity due to the sensitivity of the matter said that witchdoctors were better placed to hear the petition because they are not part of the system and cannot be compromised easily.

“We can’t go to the courts because this is a case against the judiciary. It also needs to be decided quickly so that the judges can be sworn in. This is why we opted for a witchdoctor.”

Traditional Justice

This is the first time that a witchdoctor’s court will be used to settle a constitutional matter in Kenya, and possibly all over the world.

PostaMate has established that the witchdoctor’s court consists of a bench of three witches, two from Kitui and one from Kilifi. The three are the most powerful witches in East Africa and they are also well known for their professionalism.

The case will start with a pretrial conference where all the sides will meet for directions on how to proceed with the case. The litigants are expected to appear in person, but could send their representatives who must be traditional lawyers. All the sessions will be held at night.

No Appeal

Musau also said that he hoped that president Uhuru Kenyatta would do the right thing and gazette the remaining judges since matters at witchdoctor’s court can get ugly. “The judgement is very personal. If guilty, president Uhuru Kenyatta can easily be turned into a black cat or a crow. He will end up spending all his life saying ‘fellow crows’ but Kenyans don’t care about crows. Let him trend wisely.”

It has also been established that the witchdoctor’s court has no room for appeal. This presents a real danger if President Uhuru Kenyatta is found guilty. Kenya will end up without a substantive president since the People’s President is not a real president.

Fortunately, Kenya has a backup president who can be as good as Uhuru Kenyatta. The lookalike Uhuru Kenyatta from Umoja can serve for the remaining term.