Vatican is softening its stand on abortion, following years of widespread condemnation of any form of abortion and unwavering commitment to the sanctity of human life.
In what could be the greatest change of policy since emperor Constantine became a person of the book, Vatican Spokesperson has issued a press statement encouraging faithfuls of all walks of faith to terminate pregnancies if the baby seems likely to grow up an atheist.
“Atheists are OK with abortion so it’s only fair we return the favor whenever an opportunity is presented. It is not like we are the first ones too fire a shot. They started it.”
He further added that too many resources are being spent on kids who leave the church by high school, and went on to explain why God would most likely forgive would be parents who did not keep these errant totos.
“These babies will never pay tithes or serve the church in any way.”
When asked how parents could know that kids would not be churchgoers, the Vatican had this to say:
“Just pray over an ultrasound image of the baby and wait for a sign. If none comes, you can just go ahead with the abortion.”
