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Biden Urges Africans to Ditch use of Firewood so that Americans can Continue Enjoying their Mega Trucks Guilt Free

US President Joe Biden has called on Africans to ditch the use of firewood and other biomass fuels so that Americans can continue driving their extra-large SUVs and mega trucks without climate guilt.

Speaking at the sidelines of the 26th United Nations Climate Change conference, Biden said that the Burden of achieving a net zero emission squarely lies on Africans who contribute only 2–3 per cent of the world’s carbon dioxide emissions. This significant figure must be reduced to zero so that Americans can enjoy their trip to the golf course or hardware store in their extra large SUVs guilt free.

“We need action from Africa. Let them stop burning biomass for their cooking, and instead switch to using the sun. They’ll only need to be time conscious and cook during the day, before the sun sets. We know that the sun lives in Africa.”

Biden’s sentiments were echoed by his French counterpart Emmanuel Macron, who urged the French speaking Africa to stop keeping cattle and instead keep giraffes. “Using cattle as a store of wealth is primitive since the cows emit a lot of undesirable gases. They should start keeping giraffes so that the French can continue eating beef and redeeming giraffe credit from Africa. Besides, they cannot bank cattle in France, like it possible when using the CFA franc.”

Africans were also asked to travel less, and instead walk to keep fit. “If Africans stop using buses, which is the most common form of transport, Americans can fly wherever they want. Flying is good for Americans and if Africans will play their part, more Americans can buy private jets without adverse effect on the planet. It is a concerted effort where Africa must play its part.”

Others who spoke at the 26th United Nations Climate Change conference noted that unless Africa acts quickly, the comfort of a few people in rich countries could be compromised.

Over to you Africa.

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