2021 was the year of satire, just like the upcoming 2022.
Here are ten satirical stories that made headlines in the galaxy.
10. Kenyan involved in Jan 6th Capitol Hill Riots
Trust a Kenyan to be at the center of any riots, even in the US. This Kenyan born American citizen was photographed in the Senate chamber wearing a MAGA hat. In his defense, he argued that he was there only ‘to see for himself what was happening,’ and he was not in any way part of the riots.
9. Central Bank of Kenya Announces Switch to Bitcoin
Fed up with the IMF making the Kenyan currency its punching bag, the Central Bank of Kenya decided to switch to Bitcoin. The switch was meant to help cushion Kenya from a volatile shilling, shortage of foreign currency reserves, increase velocity of money and shield Kenya from exploitative loans that threaten the sovereignty of Kenya.
8. Machakos University Launches a Bachelor’s Degree in Witchcraft
Machakos University made the move to mainstream indigenous knowledge by launching a degree in Witchcraft.
The course was to involve different approaches with lecturers drawn from Kenya and other places such as Zanzibar, Haiti and Mexico. It was to be a residential course because no aspiring Witch can be scared of Covid-19, with several classes being taught at night.
7. KRA to Limit Filing Nil Tax Returns to Three Times
KRA had had enough of people who live large but end up filing nil tax returns.
The plan was to give a three year grace period after which Kenyans will be expected to work towards profitability within three years of acquiring a KRA PIN. Those who fail to achieve economic viability will risk losing access to government services.
6. KNH to build a Prison to Detain Patients who do not Pay Bills
Kenyans don’t believe in paying for healthcare, majorly because they cannot afford. KNH came up with a solution. Instead of keeping the discharged people who have not paid their bills in the wards, a special prison would be used to detain them.
“Detaining patients is a great motivation to get them to pay, though not the best thing to do. If we do not do it, uncompensated healthcare services will lead to our demise. This will be a lose-lose situation. A prison is the way out.”
5. Civil Engineering in Kenya is Just a Dignified Road to Starvation
Studying Civil Engineering in Kenya will give you a good title and social status, but you might easily starve to death.
Kenyans don’t need Civil Engineers. They only need fundis. Besides, the Chinese are faster and cheaper.
Solution? Those who studied Civil Engineering should consider doing a Masters Degree, then a PhD so that they can become lecturers and teach other unsuspecting people the same course. That way, it will be a pyramid scheme which can keep running as long as more people are getting recruited.
4. Man on the 47th Round of Interview at One Acre Fund
The interview process at One Acre Fund is not an easy one. Everybody knows that.
One man has experienced it all. For the past twelve weeks, the man’s only economic activity has been interviewing with One Acre Fund, going through several stages of interview for this one job. He has met met the CEO, the CFO, the janitor, several unnamed people, 11 people from the HR Department, potential colleagues, the company barista, a bunch of idiots in suits, several farmers and cannot even recall who the others are.
His family and friends are concerned that he might hit the retirement age while still going through interviews with One Acre Fund.
3. KQ Pilot Makes an Emergency Landing after Remembering that he left the Iron Box Plugged in
Everyone knows the anxiety of not being sure of you unplugged the iron box in the morning.
A Kenya Airways flight from Nairobi to Mumbai was forced to turn back after a pilot remembered that he had left an iron box switched on at his Nairobi home.
The few passengers who were onboard were made to understand that the flight was affected by unfavorable weather condition, and there was no need to panic.
2. OKA to Build Bedsitters Under the Nairobi Expressway
Politics.
It turns out that OKA has great plans for Kenya.
By building bedsitters under the expressway, the expressway will pay for itself, provide affordable housing, and reduce vehicles on the road since people will be living near their work places.
1. Rowdy Bodaboda Operators Burn Car Despite the Owner’s Insistence that he Went to Alliance
A man faced the fury of angry boda boda riders after he hit one of them who was attempting to overtake on a blind corner.
Things went south quickly. Exactly 3.2 seconds after the accident, tens of boda boda riders showed up from nowhere and demanded a compensation and several other demands that Fred could not understand.
When they acted too uncivilized, the man warned them that he went to Alliance High School, and that was the last straw. The men covered their ears, produced a lighter and set his car on fire. The poor man had to flee on foot, and escaped death by a whisker.
He still doesn’t understand what he did wrong.
Thanks to all who contributed to PostaMate.
