Kalonzo Musyoka Planning To Give Spoilt Votes A Run For Their Money

New entrant into the Kenyan presidential race Kalonzo Musyoka has promised the mother of all battles against spoilt votes in the 2022 General Elections.

In a race where he risks becoming the third runners up (behind spoilt votes), Kalonzo said that he has made arrangement with men he trusts to ensure that he will not have to live with the embarrassment of having lost to spoilt votes. He promised to do what it takes to at least avoid the political shame.

“Any candidate without a significant ethnic support always risks losing to spoilt votes. I want to change this trend and show other aspiring candidates that one can beat spoilt votes, however narrowly it might be.”
Kalonzo took the move to run for presidency after he was ignored by the two leading coalitions, with romours that he only commands 255 Ukambani votes.

Kalonzo said that opinion polls indicate that he is in a tight race with spoilt votes, and he will need to invest more resources and energy into his bid. This is something he is very willing to do. “I am doing this as a matter of principle. Those who come behind us will know that it is possible. It has always been possible.”

The candidate further said that his candidature was a unique one because he is neither a horse like the two leading candidates, neither is he a donkey like all the other candidates. “Raila has the dynasty thieves. Ruto has the hustler thieves. All I have is three other people who are not even assured of their spouse’s votes. That makes me an underdog, but the greatest shame would be losing to spoilt votes – anathema.

His running mate Andrew Leteipa Sunkuli said he would ensure that Kalonzo achieved a victory against spoilt votes. “We will put a spirited fight but you know spoilt votes can pull a last minute surprise. This is where the main battle lies. We are positive that we can win.”

postamate is a satirical publication

We create satire to keep people entertained, and thinking.