Kalonzo Musyoka in the Race to Succeed Queen Elizabeth

Veteran Kenyan politician Stephen Kalonzo Musyoka has expressed interest in succeeding Queen Elizabeth in the Monarchy of the United Kingdom.

Following the untimely death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, Kalonzo tossed his hat into the ring and expressed confidence that the people of the United Kingdom would appoint him King as restitution for the colonial misdeeds.

“I am ready to take up the new role as His Majesty King Steve III. I bring with me a rich experience that can add flavour to the small Island nation in the West of Europe, and to the whole commonwealth. I will also seek to ensure that all those still suffering from the pain experienced during colonialism move through the five stages of grief quickly.”

Kalonzo (sorry, His Majesty Steve III) further added that he was well acquainted with the British weather which changes 947 times a day, and as an African parent he won’t hesitate to discipline the current children in the royal family. His campaign secretariat also confirmed that the chances are on his side.

“By tradition, the person who succeeds the queen must be in Kenya when the queen dies. Everybody knows Steve was in Kenya and all the other people trying to snatch away the seat from him were not in Kenya. Kalonzo is also from the UK; doesn’t matter which UK it is.

Monarch Musyoka

In his manifesto, His Majesty Steve III has promised to address the looming energy crisis by shipping elderly Brits into the Lower Eastern part of Kenya, saving them from the upcoming winter. He also promised to launch a King Steve Version Bible which will be written without chapters and verses in order to save the world from King James Bible.

Other plans include declaring independence from former colonies so that the kingdom can also have an Independence Day like other normal countries.  He might also acquire Elon Musk so that colonization of Mars will be flawless.

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