Number of people sleeping in Church marginally declines by 0.6%

The number of people sleeping in church marginally declined by 0.6% in the last quarter, reversing a trend that had lasted for more than 200 years.

Reports from the Association of Ushers show that people who took the coveted nap in church declined, a very unexpected outcome considering that church leaders unanimously voted to allow sleeping in church just before Covid.

“We have noted that more people are opting to listen to the whole sermon. Even those who conveniently sleep during the offertory hymn are exercising restraint. This is a good time in the history of the church!”

Some of the reasons cited for the decline in the number of people sleeping in the church include increased surveillance by ushers, global warming leading to less comfort in the church, reduced sermon length, and constant attention on sleepers by the church media team.

Eutychus Moments

Sleeping in the church has been a running concern, and preachers have reported a loss of motivation when they realize a majority of the congregants are either asleep or trying very hard to stifle yawns.  While most preachers think the story of Eutychus is a warning against sleeping in church, the report noted that congregants think that the story highlights the dangers of long sermons.

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