GoK Announces a National Harambee to Resolve Liquidity

The Government of Kenya is planning for a national fundraiser to resolve the liquidity crisis that has rocked the East African nation and left civil servants with no salaries and suppliers unpaid.

Speaking to hunger stricken civil servants, deputy president Rigathi Gachagua announced that plans were at an advanced stage to register a Paybill number where Kenyans of goodwill can donate ‘something small’ to help prop up the collapsing Kenyans treasury.

“I want every Kenyan to give a portion of their income to the government, and every business to do the same. They could give something like 30% and the government will be home and dry. We are truthful men and we want you all to partake in the crisis that we inherited.”

Once the Paybill number is registered, Kenyans will be expected to freely donate the mandatory contribution to the treasury.

The plans were confirmed by the Chairman of the President’s Economic Advisory Council who said that all options were on the table and the government was willing to do whatever it takes to remain afloat.

“We have run out of options with Eurobonds, Anglobonds, Sinobonds, and even Vagabonds. The only way out is to hold an international fundraiser that will ease the liquidity crisis. Every Kenyan must contribute towards this ‘Kenyans for GoK initiative’ and we urge our multilateral partners from other countries to chip in. This is the way to save Kenya.

He said that civil servants could easily get paid if they contributed some money to the government, equivalent to their salaries. “If every civil servant donates to the government an amount equivalent to their salary, we could use the money to pay their salaries. They can then save the money until the next day when they give us the same money and we will give it back to them. The salary problem will be solved.”

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