Nairobi, Kenya – In a stunning display of progressive governance, the esteemed President of Kenya, Dr. William Samoei Ruto, has once again proven his unwavering dedication to the people. In a move that has left the nation awe-inspired, President Ruto has announced the grand launch of the National Car Purchase Fund (NCPF), a visionary initiative demanding a mere 2.5% of citizens’ hard-earned salaries to enable them to own a car in just seven years.
Clearly, the government has its priorities sorted. Who needs unga, electricity, good health, or education when one can have the luxury of owning a vehicle? It’s a question that has been plaguing Kenyans’ minds for far too long, and finally, Dr. Ruto has stepped forward with a truly innovative solution. Who would have thought that the country’s crisis could be alleviated simply by pushing citizens to purchase automobiles?
The enthusiasm among the Kenyan populace is palpable. “We are overjoyed at the prospect of owning a car,” exclaimed a local resident while sitting in an endless traffic jam caused by the lack of proper infrastructure and public transportation. “I can’t wait to spend seven glorious years contributing a portion of my salary to a fund that will ultimately enable me to sit comfortably in gridlock and burn fossil fuels!”
Opposition
However, the opposition led by former prime minister Raila Odinga argues that with the already high cost of living and the mismanagement of various existing funds such as the National Social Security Fund (NSSF), National Hospital Insurance Fund (NHIF), and Higher Education Loans Board (HELB), Kenyans are left to wonder if they will ever see the benefits promised. But fear not, dear citizens! Drumming support for the NCPF, deputy president Rigathi Gachagua, has assured the public that the NCPF will be entirely immune to any mismanagement, corruption, or financial irregularities. Absolutely dynasty-proof!
In a delightful twist, it seems that the housing crisis will also be addressed inadvertently. With Kenyans channeling their hard-earned money into the NCPF and the Housing Fund, the soaring slum problem, which forms the main ground of Raila Odinga’s support base, will miraculously become a non-issue. Who would have guessed that diverting funds away from people’s pockets in dire need of more money could yield such ingenious results?
As we marvel at this groundbreaking initiative, let us applaud President Ruto for his ingenious solution to the country’s problems. After all, what better way to ease the burden of high living costs and rampant corruption than by encouraging citizens to shoulder the burden of purchasing shiny new vehicles?
