Haiti to Send 1000 Witches to Help Prop up the Crumbling Kenyan Judiciary

The government of Haiti has pledged to send 1000 witches to Kenya to help prop up the Kenyan judiciary that is crumbling under the weight of escalating corruption. The witches, who are experts in traditional forms of justice, will offer their services to, the Kenyan courts and magistrates, who have been struggling with corruption, inefficiency and backlog of cases.

The Haitian Minister of Foreign Affairs, Jean-Michel Lapin, said that the decision was made in the spirit of reciprocity and solidarity, as Kenya is preparing to take the gangs in Haiti head-on. “We are grateful for Kenya’s support in our fight against crime and violence. We believe that our witches can also contribute to Kenya’s quest for justice and accountability. They have a wealth of experience and knowledge in dealing with complex and sensitive issues, using advanced voodoo techniques and rituals,” he said.

The Kenyan Chief Justice, Martha Koome, welcomed the gesture from Haiti, saying that it was a sign of friendship and cooperation between the two countries. She said that the Kenyan judiciary was open to learning from the Haitian witches, who would be deployed across the country. “We are facing many challenges in our judiciary, which cannot be solved using conventional tools. We need to embrace alternative and innovative methods, such as voodoo, to enhance our performance and credibility. We are confident that the Haitian witches will upskill our Kenyan counterparts and help us deliver justice to our people,” she said.


However, not everyone is happy with the arrival of the Haitian witches. Some Kenyan lawyers and human rights activists have expressed concern over the potential violation of human rights and due process by the witches. They have accused the Haitian government of interfering in Kenya’s internal affairs and imposing their culture and beliefs on Kenyans. They have also questioned the legality and legitimacy of voodoo as a form of justice.

The Haitian witches, who are expected to arrive in the next few weeks, have dismissed the criticism and assured Kenyans that they will respect their laws and customs. They have also invited Kenyans to witness their work and see for themselves the benefits of voodoo. They have claimed that voodoo is a powerful and effective way of resolving disputes, restoring harmony and ensuring fairness. They have also promised to use their magic for good and not for evil.

The Haitian government has said that it hopes that the exchange of witches will strengthen the ties between Haiti and Kenya and promote mutual understanding and respect. It has also said that it plans to send more witches to other countries in Africa and beyond, as part of its diplomatic strategy and cultural outreach.

The first batch of witches will start arriving soon, with most of them already having acquired new winnowing trays to ferry them across the Atlantic Ocean.

Cut out the middleman by joining our Telegram Channel below.


This is PostaMate notification channel. We bring to you the best of satire.