Social

Machakos County Bans Dowry Payment During the Ongoing Dry Season

Machakos County Governor Wavinya Ndeti has banned all payment of dowry activities during the ongoing drought, terming the activity as exploitative. In one of her first executive orders, Ndeti said that many families were being taken advantage of by being offered very little dowry because they lack the capacity to negotiate for more. Consequently, the […]

International

Africa’s Apathy Towards European Tribal War Angers European Leaders

World leaders attending the ongoing United Nations General Assembly have expressed concerns that Africa is not doing enough to condemn the ongoing tribal war between Russian and Ukrainian Slavs. In a strongly worded statement, warlords and tribal leaders from the Caucasian block said that Africans were not keen on standing with anybody, and are willing […]

Economics

KRA to Get a Side Hustle by 2024 – William Ruto

President William Ruto has ordered the Kenya Revenue Authority to find a meaningful side hustle to earn money instead of milking hustlers dry through unending taxes. Speaking after receiving the treasury’s handover report, Ruto noted that KRA had been increasing its revenue target without any plan on how to raise the additional revenue, except to […]

Politics

“Venezuelans used Electromagnetic Radiation to Lower Voter Turnout” – Raila Odinga

Raila Odinga has hit out at Venezuelans who cost him an election victory in the 2022 Kenyan General Elections. Speaking after the reality hit that Kenyans opted for a well-known thief instead of him, Raila said that Venezuelans had interfered with voter turnout in his stronghold, giving his opponent William Ruto an easy victory. “We […]

Politics

Ruto Owes his Victory to my Bad Leadership – Uhuru

Former President Uhuru Kenyatta has taken credit for William Ruto’s win, saying that Ruto would not have seen the gates of State House if he had Uhuru’s support. Speaking from Ichaweri where he spent the morning trapping moles that have been eating his sweet potatoes since 2003, Uhuru said that his action (or lack of […]

Social

Kalonzo Musyoka in the Race to Succeed Queen Elizabeth

Veteran Kenyan politician Stephen Kalonzo Musyoka has expressed interest in succeeding Queen Elizabeth in the Monarchy of the United Kingdom. Following the untimely death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, Kalonzo tossed his hat into the ring and expressed confidence that the people of the United Kingdom would appoint him King as restitution for the […]

International

Trump Ready to Convert to Judaism if Mossad Backs Down

Former US president Donald Trump has indicated that he is willing to cede more ground in exchange for forgiveness as it became apparent that Mossad was seriously thinking about him. Following the June 2022 Mar-a-Lago raid by FBI agents that showed that Trump held documents detailing an unnamed foreign country’s nuclear defenses (in the Hebrew […]

Social

Designer of Nissan Juke Finally Euthanized in Japan

Justice was finally served in the populous Kanagawa Prefecture of Japan after the Yokohama District Court gave orders for the designer of Nissan Juke to be put to sleep in a humane way. After 12 years of being an eyesore to the world, haters of Nissan Juke had filed a case to have some form […]

Governance

Juliana Cherera warns Against Weapons of Math Instruction

Dissenting IEBC Commissioners led by vice chair Juliana Cherera have raised alarm over the proliferation of weapons of math instruction in Kenya. In statement that was supported by Azimio leaders, the IEBC commissioners warned that many Kenyans were being recruited into the notorious Al-Gebra movement and using calculators to find some dangerous absolute values. “We […]