OpenAI Replaces 700 Employees with ChatGPT

In a shocking turn of events, OpenAI, the leading artificial intelligence research lab, has announced plans to lay off 700 of its human employees and replace them with its own creation, ChatGPT. The decision comes after a late-night board meeting where the AI itself made a compelling argument about its ability to perform the tasks […]


Satan Says He Can’t Compete With TikTok And Kenyan Government In Corrupting Souls

NAIROBI, KENYA—Lamenting that his once-thriving business of tempting and tormenting humans was now in shambles, Satan announced Monday that he was unable to compete with the corrupting influence of TikTok and the Kenyan government in the African nation. “I used to have a monopoly on luring people into sin and evil, but now I can’t […]


Kenya’s Strategic Guava Reserve Depleted

In a shocking turn of events, Kenya’s strategic guava reserve has been depleted. The culprit? None other than Gabriel Oguda, who has been delving into the reserves every day. The Guava Crisis Kenya, a nation known for its rich biodiversity and agricultural prowess, is facing an unprecedented crisis. The strategic guava reserve, a national treasure […]


Uganda’s Government Voted World’s Pettiest

In a surprising turn of events, the Ugandan government has been voted the “Most Emotional and Petty Government in the World” by the International Governmental Emotional Quotient Council (IGEQC). This prestigious title, previously held by a small island nation known for its passionate town hall meetings, has now been passed on to Uganda, a country […]


King Charles III to Relocate to Kenya If Made King

In a shocking move, King Charles III of the United Kingdom and 15 other Commonwealth realms has expressed his desire to relocate to Kenya permanently if the East African nation makes him its king. The 75-year-old monarch, who ascended the throne in 2022 after the death of his mother Queen Elizabeth II, said he has […]


The UN’s Mission to Solve the Mystery of the Missing Socks

The United Nations (UN) has announced a new initiative to address one of the most pressing issues facing humanity: the problem of socks missing one partner. The UN Secretary-General, Antonio Guterres, said that this issue has caused “untold suffering and frustration” for millions of people around the world, and that it is time to take […]


Nairobi Friends Are Worthless, Study Finds

NAIROBI, KENYA—A new study by the University of Nairobi has found that friendships in Nairobi are worthless, and that most people in the city are better off without them. The study, which surveyed over 10,000 Nairobi residents, revealed that friendships in Nairobi are overvalued by up to 30% and that they offer no real benefits […]


CBK Hires Two Construction Companies to Oversee the Controlled Demolition of the Shilling

NAIROBI, KENYA—The Central Bank of Kenya (CBK) announced today that it has hired two construction companies to oversee the controlled demolition of the shilling, the national currency of Kenya. This comes at a time when CBK is implementing its strategic plan, part of which involves devaluing the shilling to boost the economy. The CBK said […]


The Secret to Peace: A Local Man Who Knows Nothing About the Middle East

John Smith, a 35-year-old accountant from Kansas City, Missouri, is enjoying a peaceful and happy life because he knows nothing about the Middle East conflict. Smith, who has never traveled outside the US, said that he has no interest in learning about the history, politics, or culture of the region, and that he prefers to […]


Nairobi Water Asks Residents to Stop Pooping in the Morning to Ease Sewer Congestion

Nairobi Water and Sewerage Company (NWSC) has issued a public notice asking residents of the city to refrain from pooping in the morning hours, citing severe congestion in the sewer lines. The notice, which was posted on the company’s website and social media platforms, said that the high demand for flushing toilets between 6 a.m. […]