Politics

Bonny Khalwale Appointed Director of Center for Virus Research at KEMRI

Kenyan politician Bonny Khalwale has been appointed the Director of Virus Research at KEMRI, and tasked with efforts to lead the Coronavirus response team at the institution.

In the appointment that was made at 3 am through the office of the government spokesman, Khalwale is expected to lead the government’s technical effort towards eradicating coronavirus from Kenya using a variety of both scientific and traditional methods.

“Khalwale brings on board a wide range of expertise that include knowledge of modern medicine, traditional witchcraft and political manipulations, which are all necessary to help combat the virus. His presence at KEMRI will help the government achieve mass testing using unconventional ways – including cooking results.”

The good doctor from Kakamega whose name literally means ‘the sick one’ will now dust his lab coat and head to lead operations at KEMRI, with reports saying that his first task will involve coming up with a cheaper and faster Covid-19 testing method, that does not involve the use of chemical reagents. It is rumored that the new testing method is simply a ‘yes or no’ question, which can be administered by anybody, anywhere, anytime and get the results instantly.

He said, “I am ready to fight this pandemic using the same energy you have seen us put in bull fighting, and we will achieve mass testing within seven days and eventual total eradication of the virus within 21 days. We have a team of scientists, witches, pastors, politicians and hitmen who can help with the fight against the virus using a combination of tools.”