Politics

Jet-Setting Cabinet Secretary Outpaces Kajiado County in Carbon Emissions!

In the bustling world of political Kenya, there’s a certain Cabinet Secretary who has become quite the globetrotter. This jet-setting CS, whose name we’ll keep under wraps for now, has been zipping across continents with such frequency that one might mistake his office for an airport lounge! Now, while this high-flying lifestyle might seem glamorous, […]

Politics

Kenya’s Strategic Guava Reserve Depleted

In a shocking turn of events, Kenya’s strategic guava reserve has been depleted. The culprit? None other than Gabriel Oguda, who has been delving into the reserves every day. The Guava Crisis Kenya, a nation known for its rich biodiversity and agricultural prowess, is facing an unprecedented crisis. The strategic guava reserve, a national treasure […]

Politics

King Charles III to Relocate to Kenya If Made King

In a shocking move, King Charles III of the United Kingdom and 15 other Commonwealth realms has expressed his desire to relocate to Kenya permanently if the East African nation makes him its king. The 75-year-old monarch, who ascended the throne in 2022 after the death of his mother Queen Elizabeth II, said he has […]

Politics Religion

Commander Ng’ang’a: The Prophet Who Wants to Be President

Pastor James Ng’ang’a, the self-proclaimed commander of NENO Evangelism Center, has announced his intention to run for the highest office in the land in the 2027 general elections. The controversial preacher, who is known for his fiery sermons and miraculous healings, said that he has received a divine mandate from God to lead Kenya to […]

Politics

Kenya Cracks Down on Police State Allegations with Six Strokes of Cane

In a bold move to silence critics and uphold national unity, the government of Kenya has issued a decree that anyone who claims Kenya is a police state will be subjected to six strokes of the cane in public. The decree, which was announced by the Ministry of Interior and Coordination of National Government, states […]

Politics

Service delivery at Risk as GoK runs out of competent Kalenjins

The Government of Kenya has warned that service delivery may be at risk due to an acute shortage of competent Kalenjin professionals to run key institutions. In a presser to Kalenjin Radio Stations, the Head of Public Service warned that the government will not be in a position to deliver on its promises unless more […]

Politics

Raila Enlists Army of Orcs to Prop Up Mass Action Threats

Opposition Chief Raila Odinga has unveiled a plan to recruit 17,000 orcs that will help him get rid of the illegal president William Ruto from State House. According to a plan released by ODM communication director Philip Etale on Sunday, the Orcs will help in creating a critical mass necessary for mass street demos, something […]

Politics

“Venezuelans used Electromagnetic Radiation to Lower Voter Turnout” – Raila Odinga

Raila Odinga has hit out at Venezuelans who cost him an election victory in the 2022 Kenyan General Elections. Speaking after the reality hit that Kenyans opted for a well-known thief instead of him, Raila said that Venezuelans had interfered with voter turnout in his stronghold, giving his opponent William Ruto an easy victory. “We […]

Politics

Ruto Owes his Victory to my Bad Leadership – Uhuru

Former President Uhuru Kenyatta has taken credit for William Ruto’s win, saying that Ruto would not have seen the gates of State House if he had Uhuru’s support. Speaking from Ichaweri where he spent the morning trapping moles that have been eating his sweet potatoes since 2003, Uhuru said that his action (or lack of […]

Politics

Government Investigating Rigathi Gachagua’s English at the Deputy Presidential Debate

72% of the government went into a mild coma after it emerged that the man who previously could never make sense while holding a microphone might just have been pretending and saving his English for the Deputy Presidential Debate. Following the debate where Rigathi Gachagua managed to keep speaking for 32 minutes, the government has […]