Kenya Cracks Down on Police State Allegations with Six Strokes of Cane

In a bold move to silence critics and uphold national unity, the government of Kenya has issued a decree that anyone who claims Kenya is a police state will be subjected to six strokes of the cane in public. The decree, which was announced by the Ministry of Interior and Coordination of National Government, states […]


Service delivery at Risk as GoK runs out of competent Kalenjins

The Government of Kenya has warned that service delivery may be at risk due to an acute shortage of competent Kalenjin professionals to run key institutions. In a presser to Kalenjin Radio Stations, the Head of Public Service warned that the government will not be in a position to deliver on its promises unless more […]


Raila Enlists Army of Orcs to Prop Up Mass Action Threats

Opposition Chief Raila Odinga has unveiled a plan to recruit 17,000 orcs that will help him get rid of the illegal president William Ruto from State House. According to a plan released by ODM communication director Philip Etale on Sunday, the Orcs will help in creating a critical mass necessary for mass street demos, something […]


“Venezuelans used Electromagnetic Radiation to Lower Voter Turnout” – Raila Odinga

Raila Odinga has hit out at Venezuelans who cost him an election victory in the 2022 Kenyan General Elections. Speaking after the reality hit that Kenyans opted for a well-known thief instead of him, Raila said that Venezuelans had interfered with voter turnout in his stronghold, giving his opponent William Ruto an easy victory. “We […]


Ruto Owes his Victory to my Bad Leadership – Uhuru

Former President Uhuru Kenyatta has taken credit for William Ruto’s win, saying that Ruto would not have seen the gates of State House if he had Uhuru’s support. Speaking from Ichaweri where he spent the morning trapping moles that have been eating his sweet potatoes since 2003, Uhuru said that his action (or lack of […]


Government Investigating Rigathi Gachagua’s English at the Deputy Presidential Debate

72% of the government went into a mild coma after it emerged that the man who previously could never make sense while holding a microphone might just have been pretending and saving his English for the Deputy Presidential Debate. Following the debate where Rigathi Gachagua managed to keep speaking for 32 minutes, the government has […]


IEBC Admits that Reuben Kigame Can See Better than the Commission

The Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission (IEBC) has admitted that Presidential Candidate Reuben Kigame who has been blind since childhood can actually see better than most of its commissioners. Speaking after denying Kigame a chance to be on the ballot, the IEBC Dispute Resolution Committee (DRC) said that Kigame needed to be stopped because his […]

Education Politics

EBK Asks Raila to do 3 Additional Units which he Missed

The Engineers Board of Kenya (EBK) has threatened to deregister Engineer Raila Amollo Odinga after it emerged that he missed three crucial units that are mandatory for registration as an engineer. Speaking during the ongoing Energy Conference, the EBK chair said that all engineers in Kenya must do at least 35 credit hours in Communication […]


Wajackoyah’s PP2 Certificate Questioned

A section of state affiliated civil societies has demanded to see Presidential Candidate Prof George Wajackoyah’s PP2 graduation certificate as an assurance that he is fit to be the president of Kenya. Adding their voice to the ongoing question of degrees, the state affiliated civil societies said that Wajackoyah’s manifesto of bhang and snakes was […]


Chebukati; “Raila’s Degree is a Matter of National Insecurity”

IEBC chair Wafula Chebukati can be trusted to keep a secret, especially if his life depends on it. Following demands by Kenyans to see Raila Odinga’s degree certificate, Chebukati has admitted that the degree is a matter of national insecurity, and showing it to the public means that the safety of the said public cannot […]