Governance

Government of Kenya Diagnosed with Amnesia Following Failure to Recall Evicting Residents

A Government wide amnesia has struck the Government of Kenya, making the entire tax guzzling system forget ever evicting any Kenyans in the middle of the night and in the middle of a pandemic.

Speaking from a hospital bed, the Government spokesperson Cyrus Oguna said he woke up traumatized that by news that the Government of Kenya had evicted over 5,000 people in Ruai and Kariobangi. He said he was shocked that the government did what it did and couldn’t remember that it did anything that heinous. He continued, “This morning, the Government of Kenya was diagnosed with short term memory loss and can’t recall any wrongdoing in the recent past”.

Commission of Inquiry

Col. Oguna said a committee was set up to investigate how the evictions happened but urged Kenyans not to get their hopes up. He explained that the committee is made up of people in the Government of Kenya and it’s proving hard to get to the bottom of the matter as committee members are waking up each morning with no recollection of what they had uncovered the previous day.

In a media briefing, a doctor treating the Government of Kenya said that amnesia in general is ‘notoriously difficult to treat and it normally works itself out.’ “All we can do is wait and hope that the situation improves…”

Col. Oguna apologized for the way the Government of Kenya acted and promised that the Government of Kenya is working towards making the lives of everyone affected by the evictions better, reminding the evicted to stay at home and observe social distancing.

That is if the government will remember to do anything at all. The spokesperson did however remember to send thoughts and prayers and also asked Kenyans to reciprocatively pray for the Government of Kenya during these turbulent times.

Other Problems

In addition to amnesia, the government spokesperson also said that the government was nursing a ridiculously lousy hangover and would appreciate if Kenyans would try and keep it down as it hadn’t had its coffee yet.

When asked if the Government of Kenya’s reparations included resettlement for the eviction victims, Col. Oguna looked perturbed and asked, “Evictions? What evictions?”