Politics

Kenya’s Parliament Votes to Make Moi a Saint

You can now call him Saint Moi.

Former president of Kenya who just passed on has officially been declared a Saint by the country’s parliament, barely a few hours after he died.

In a hurried process that started only five minutes after his clinical death was confirmed, Kenyan politicians took to all media stations available to talk of his goodness and how great he was, recalling of the great days of prosperity that Kenyans enjoyed during president Moi’s 24-year rule.

The politicians wasted no time as they quickly passed a Bill that conferred the title Saint to Moi, making him the first person ever to receive the title outside the Catholic church.

Speaking to the media, the Senate leaders said that the former president had depicted immense skills and power during his 24-year rule and the many more years he was in politics, including his economic prowess, fighting corruption, building roads and promoting national cohesion.

They said that president Moi was not only a leader, but a prophet who foretold many things about this country. One of his most successful prophecies was that KANU would rule Kenya for a hundred years, something which is almost about to achieved.

Demonized in life but canonized in death, the self-declared professor of politics is now more popular in death than in life, and his political orphans who are in power or very near power hope to receive a similar treatment when they die.

Meanwhile, his home county of Baringo continue to be the epitome of poor leadership, characterized by abject poverty, famine and droughts, cattle rustling, low school enrollment, high infant mortality rates, runaway Female Genital Mutilation Cases and extreme poverty.

The Process of Becoming a Saint

According to the Speaker, the process of making a politician a Saint after he dies is as follows:

  1. Wait for five seconds after the politician has passed on.
  2. Get the nation to forget all the ills the person did and only talk of the good ones.
  3. Be declared a servant of the people of Kenya.
  4. Evidence of a verified miracle or a prophecy.
  5. Get the parliament to declare you a Saint.

The whole process should take at most 15 minutes on a sunny day, and 18 minutes on a rainy day.