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Nairobi Named Richest City in Africa after Number of Laptops Stolen Everyday Increases to 228

Nairobi has reclaimed the top spot as the richest city in Africa after the number of laptops stolen everyday increased to 228.

In the statistics that were released by a consortium of city policing departments in Africa, Nairobi tops all other African cities in laptop theft, a good indicator of wealth. So rich is the city that only 1500 smartphones are stolen every day, a very good number considering many African cities do not have such a large number of phones. 

Right side of Economics

“We are on the right side of economics,” said the Nairobi City County Commissioner. “Never in history did a city have such a great indicator of economic well being. If you go to Kigali, they do not lose laptops because they do not have them in the first place. We will soon overtake Mexico City and become a global economic hub.”

The stolen laptops and phones support a thriving second hand market in Nairobi, contributing a sizable amount to the GDP of the city. This was said to be the reason why Nairobi was the largest economic hub in Kenya and why taxes collected from second hand electronics trade surpass those from brand new ones.

Nairobians were divided on whether stolen laptops was a good indicator of wealth, with those from rich neighborhoods saying that it is not while those from poor neighborhoods agreeing that it was. People who had lost phones more than three times had already come to terms with the situation and resulted in using cheap phones, an admission that expensive phones are just a show of wealth.

AMPiT

The Association of Muggers, Pickpockets and Thugs (AMPiT) in Nairobi took credit for the ranking, asking the government to appreciate their contribution to the economy. The association said that despite the curfew in place, they were working day and night to ensure that Nairobi does not lose its position as the richest city. Earlier in the year, the association had resisted the dusk to dawn curfew in Nairobi but it seems they have been able to deliver in the difficult times of Covid-19.