The number of people sleeping in church marginally declined by 0.6% in the last quarter, reversing a trend that had lasted for more than 200 years. Reports from the Association of Ushers show that people who took the coveted nap in church declined, a very unexpected outcome considering that church leaders unanimously voted to allow […]
Tag: Church
Size 8 to Specialize in Small to Medium Sized Demons
Gospel singer cum preacher Size 8 has launched her career as a middle level exorcist, if clips on social media are something to go by. The famed Mateke singer was recently ordained as a preacher, but no one expected that she would quickly be on the ring facing demons one on one. Size 8 was […]
Prophet Turns Out to be Just a Statistics Nerd
A prophet who had taken thousands captives with his ability to make very accurate prophecies has left many disappointed after it was discovered that he is just a guy with advanced knowledge in statistics. The leader of Precision Prophecies Ministries in Nairobi Kenya had gained followers by his many prophecies that came true. He would […]
Vatican Approves Abortion if Baby Will Grow up Atheist
Vatican is softening its stand on abortion, following years of widespread condemnation of any form of abortion and unwavering commitment to the sanctity of human life. In what could be the greatest change of policy since emperor Constantine became a person of the book, Vatican Spokesperson has issued a press statement encouraging faithfuls of all […]
Creatives to be Exempted from Tithes and Offerings in Churches
Churches have bowed to pressure and loosened the regulations governing tithes and offerings, giving creatives in church a loophole to pay themselves. A new directive that has been adopted by churches in Nairobi will see creatives in churches being exempted from tithes and offerings, a good compensation because they were demanding for payment and churches […]
God Fearing Man Unaware that the Book of Abraham Does not Exist
A God fearing man who has been consistently attending church for the last 17 years was left with an egg on the face when he confidently quoted the book of Abraham during an online church service. The man who is well versed with the Holy Book was so confident that the book of Abraham exists, […]
Disquiet in CITAM as Calisto Repeatedly ends Sermon with only One Conclusion
A storm is brewing at Christ is the Answer Ministries after an increasing number of members expressed disapproval on the way the Presiding Bishop Calisto Odede has been concluding his sermons. It is reported that the new Bishop has broken from the long held Christian tradition of having seven conclusions in a sermon. Instead, Calisto […]
Man Celebrates One Year of Pretending to Send Offering via M-PESA
As the remote church turns one year old this month, so are the habits and new sins that have resulted from the existence of the same. We caught up with one man who since the beginning of the pandemic, has never given any offering, tithe, gifts or any type of giving in church, although he […]
Proposal Seeks to have Kenyan Churches Sing 75% Local Songs
The Ministry of Sports, Culture and Heritage has proposed a new regulation that will see churches in Kenya required to sing at least 75% local songs. In an attempt to bring order and sanity in how singing is done in churches, as well as promoting local talents, churches will be required to adhere to the […]
Churches Conveniently Declare a Period of Prayer and Fasting in January
Churches all over Kenya have declared an extended period of prayer and fasting this month, a very convenient move because January economics has everyone skipping meals. From the big churches to small private churches, Christians were asked to consider either a 3-day, 7 day, or a 21 day of prayer and fasting just as it […]