Social

Seven Arrested at The BigFish Restaurant for Eating Without Masks on

Seven patrons at the famous BigFish Restaurant were yesterday arrested after they were found eating at The BigFish Restaurant without their masks on. The early morning clients were enjoying a variety of meals when an idle and extremely bored policeman stumbled upon the premises and noticed that the five men and two men were eating […]

Governance

Mutahi Kagwe Reveals the Formula Used to Cook Covid-19 Stats

Kenyans can now learn the secrets of the kitchen that is used to cook Covid-19 statistics after Mutahi Kagwe revealed the formula so that Kenyans can do the cooking themselves. After nearly 18 months of intensive cookery, potlucking and general kitchen gymnastics that are employed to keep the media well fed and Kenyans satisfied. Donors […]

Social

Kenya Petitions WHO for a Local Covid-19 Variant

A section of Kenyan political class has petitioned the WHO to quickly find a unique Kenyan covid-19 variant. Noting that Kenya was punching below its weight in the pandemic, leaders asked WHO to act with speed and find the Kenyan variant. They said that Kenya had proved its position as a regional leader and thus […]

Governance

Police Break into Dance as Cessation of Movement Jackpot Opens

Kenya Police officers in the five counties of Nairobi, Nakuru, Machakos, Kiambu and Kajiado counties broke into song and dance after Uhuru increased their salaries and allowances through the cessation of movement order. The men tasked with maintaining law and order will from tomorrow start collecting additional allowances once they start enforcing the cessation of […]

International

Jamaican Covid-19 Vaccine Causes a Stir

A promising new Covi-19 vaccine from Jamaica is causing excitement all over the world and rekindled hope that Covid-19 could end soon. If you have been contemplating getting vaccinated, your choices have been limited to either the UK vaccine, US vaccine, Chinese vaccine or the Russian vaccine. Jamaica has come to change that narrative. The […]

Politics

Mudavadi Contemplating Locking Down Western Kenya as Covid-19 Cases Soar

As the third wave of Covid-19 spreads like bushfire in Kenya, various leaders are taking action to protect their people. Amani National Congress leader Musalia Mudavadi has announced plans to lockdown Western Kenya in an attempt to curb the spread of the virus in Western Kenya, citing the adverse effect it would have on voter […]

Social

Covid-19 Less Deadly if You Do not Know that you have it

Social Media virologists and communicable disease experts have finally converged to a conclusion that Covid-19 is less deadly if one does not know that they have it. The experts who have analyzed thousands of posts expressing the opinions of random social media users noted that those who have confirmed that they have Covid-19 have had […]

Politics

Magufuli Launches his Own Mask Brand

Tanzania President John Pombe Magufuli has launched the Magufuli-95 mask – a special mask that will be used in Tanzania. The doctor of Chemistry announced the new perforated masks that are in line with Tanzania’s short- and long-term goals. He also warned that use of imported masks posed serious national security risks to the country. […]

Social

Patrick Amoth Develops Unusual Interest in Reggae Music after the Vaccine Jab

Acting Health Director General Patrick Amoth became the first Kenya to receive the Covid-19 vaccine in a camera field ceremony. The good doctor had to shed his childhood fear of injections and put on a brave face for the camera, and honestly, he did a good job. One wonders why he has not been confirmed […]

Social

Covid-19 Vaccine Stolen in Advance Before landing at JKIA

Even before the much awaited Covid-19 Vaccine could land in Kenya, Kenya had already happened to the vaccine. The more than 1 million doses of Covid-19 vaccines started disappearing even before landing in Kenya, a sign that Kenya was still operating at ‘normal operating conditions’ and that our shared values of corruption, pilferage, outright theft […]