Uhuru Asks Elon Musk to Bar Kenyans Under 35 from Twitter

Three years after the President of Kenya Uhuru Kenyatta deleted his Social Media accounts, the president now wants incoming Twitter owner Elon Musk to bar Kenyans below 35 years from suing the Social Media network. Narrating his ordeal in the hands of #KOT (Kenyans on Twitter) mercenaries, Uhuru said that KOT was not good for […]


Uhuru Taps Seasoned Dowry Negotiators to Help Secure Affordable Loans

President Uhuru Kenyatta has contracted a team of seasoned dowry negotiators to help secure Kenya affordable loans in the midst of the ongoing debt distress. Speaking after the Labor Day celebrations, President Kenyatta said that the high interest paid on loans had become a threat to the national security, hence the need to ensure new […]


Uhuru Hands Over IEBC to the Salvation Army

The militarization of Kenya has moved up a gear after President Uhuru Kenyatta ordered the transfer of IEBC to the Salvation Army. Following the trends in Nairobi Metropolitan Services, Kenya Meat Commission, Kenya Prisons, Ministry of Energy and others, the Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission will directly be under the control of the Salvation Army, […]


“Offshore Account is a Hedge Against State Collapse” – Uhuru

President Uhuru Kenyatta, also known as client 13173, has admitted that the small amount of money he stashed in an offshore account was to help his family survive just in case Kenya went the Somalia or South Sudan way. After calling for an audit of all the offshore accounts, Kenyatta said that every Kenyan needs […]


Client 13173

When the Pandora’s box was opened, client 13173 stuck out like a sore thumb. A man who has spent all his sensible life threatening the corrupt was found to have been a direct beneficiary of corruption. Like any sensible person who is into banking, he had saved some money in a secret offshore account. In […]


Ruto Willing to Resign On Condition Raila is not Appointed DP

Deputy President William Ruto has admitted that he is willing to resign from the government if the decision will not be used against him, or for the benefit of his enemies. After months of civil war within the jubilee party, the DP has refused to resign and instead used his office to promote his bottom […]


“Even if Uhuru Kenyatta Makes it to Heaven, He will not See God,” – CoA

The Court of Appeal of Kenya has ruled that the country’ ruling president, Uhuru Kenyatta, is slowly and surely marching towards eternal damnation, and even if that changes in future, he can will only experience limited features in heaven, in the highly unlikely event that he makes it there. Reading the judgment that kept Kenyans […]


Kitui Man Sues Uhuru Kenyatta at a Witchdoctor’s Court for Cherry-Picking Judges to Gazzette

A Kitui man has filed a case against president Uhuru Kenyatta for cherry-picking the judges to appoint instead of appointing all of them as demanded by law. While this should be a natural consequence of Uhuru’s decision, the surprising part is that the case has been filed at a Witchdoctor’s court instead of the ordinary […]


Uhuru Blames BBI Failure on ‘Scarecrow Attorney General’

The president has blamed the absence of a substantive attorney General in Kenya for the anti BBI ruling that was delivered by the High Court this week. In a leaked WhatsApp chat with the famous six – David Murathe, Francis Atwoli, Raila Odinga, Gideon Moi, Kalonzo Musyoka and Muhoho Kenyatta, Uhuru said that Kenya lacks […]