In a groundbreaking discovery that has left theologians and historians scratching their heads, recent archeological evidence suggests that the Apostle Peter was holding an axe when Jesus famously asked Zacchaeus to come down from the sycamore tree. The discovery was made by a team of archeologists who were excavating what is believed to be the […]
Tag: William Ruto
“Either we Tax you the easy way, or we will rob you the old way.” – MPs
Kenyan politicians have warned that a threat to The Finance Bill 2024 is a threat to your safety since a cut in budgeted corruption will force them to come for the money directly from your pockets. Speaking after the second reading of the Finance Bill 2024, Majority Leader Kimani Ichungwa warned that a decline in […]
IMF OK with Ruto’s Regular Visit to Kenya
The International Monetary Fund has expressed confidence that the running of Project Kenya is still satisfactory, even though the designated manager relocated out of the country. Speaking to higher powers that she must answer to, IMF Mission Chief to Kenya Haimanot Teferra said that Ruto is a regular visitor to Kenya and during his short […]
Kenyans show excitement over the Housing Fund, promise to Support Ruto’s initiatives
Nairobi, Kenya – In a remarkable turn of events, citizens across the nation have put their cynicism aside and wholeheartedly embraced President Ruto’s groundbreaking housing fund initiative. Despite the challenging economic climate and widespread mistrust in government initiatives, Kenyans from all walks of life are reportedly thrilled to contribute a generous 3% of their hard-earned […]
President of Kenya Introduces Groundbreaking Car Purchase Fund: Because Who Needs Shelter Anyway
Nairobi, Kenya – In a stunning display of progressive governance, the esteemed President of Kenya, Dr. William Samoei Ruto, has once again proven his unwavering dedication to the people. In a move that has left the nation awe-inspired, President Ruto has announced the grand launch of the National Car Purchase Fund (NCPF), a visionary initiative […]
Service delivery at Risk as GoK runs out of competent Kalenjins
The Government of Kenya has warned that service delivery may be at risk due to an acute shortage of competent Kalenjin professionals to run key institutions. In a presser to Kalenjin Radio Stations, the Head of Public Service warned that the government will not be in a position to deliver on its promises unless more […]
Raila Enlists Army of Orcs to Prop Up Mass Action Threats
Opposition Chief Raila Odinga has unveiled a plan to recruit 17,000 orcs that will help him get rid of the illegal president William Ruto from State House. According to a plan released by ODM communication director Philip Etale on Sunday, the Orcs will help in creating a critical mass necessary for mass street demos, something […]
Waititu to Move Rivers and Create more Land for Ruto – Statehouse Insider
It did not come as a shock when Statehouse announced that Ruto had Ex- Kiambu governor Ferdinand Waititu as a member of the newly formed Nairobi Rivers Commission. In what turns out to be satire straight out of a playwrights scene, Mr. Waititu had left Kenyans in wondering after suggesting that buildings built on Riparian […]
Ruto Owes his Victory to my Bad Leadership – Uhuru
Former President Uhuru Kenyatta has taken credit for William Ruto’s win, saying that Ruto would not have seen the gates of State House if he had Uhuru’s support. Speaking from Ichaweri where he spent the morning trapping moles that have been eating his sweet potatoes since 2003, Uhuru said that his action (or lack of […]
World Leaders react to Appointment of Rigathi Gachagua as Ruto’s Running Mate
Congratulatory messages continue to pour in from different parts of the world following the appointment of Rigathi Gachagua as Ruto’s running mate for the 2022 General Elections. Leader from different parts of the world have reacted differently to the news which caught no one by surprise, although everybody was surprised. From the East Arican community, […]