Governance

Kenyans show excitement over the Housing Fund, promise to Support Ruto’s initiatives

Nairobi, Kenya – In a remarkable turn of events, citizens across the nation have put their cynicism aside and wholeheartedly embraced President Ruto’s groundbreaking housing fund initiative. Despite the challenging economic climate and widespread mistrust in government initiatives, Kenyans from all walks of life are reportedly thrilled to contribute a generous 3% of their hard-earned […]

Governance

President of Kenya Introduces Groundbreaking Car Purchase Fund: Because Who Needs Shelter Anyway

Nairobi, Kenya – In a stunning display of progressive governance, the esteemed President of Kenya, Dr. William Samoei Ruto, has once again proven his unwavering dedication to the people. In a move that has left the nation awe-inspired, President Ruto has announced the grand launch of the National Car Purchase Fund (NCPF), a visionary initiative […]

Politics

Service delivery at Risk as GoK runs out of competent Kalenjins

The Government of Kenya has warned that service delivery may be at risk due to an acute shortage of competent Kalenjin professionals to run key institutions. In a presser to Kalenjin Radio Stations, the Head of Public Service warned that the government will not be in a position to deliver on its promises unless more […]

Politics

Raila Enlists Army of Orcs to Prop Up Mass Action Threats

Opposition Chief Raila Odinga has unveiled a plan to recruit 17,000 orcs that will help him get rid of the illegal president William Ruto from State House. According to a plan released by ODM communication director Philip Etale on Sunday, the Orcs will help in creating a critical mass necessary for mass street demos, something […]

Governance

Waititu to Move Rivers and Create more Land for Ruto – Statehouse Insider

It did not come as a shock when Statehouse announced that Ruto had Ex- Kiambu governor Ferdinand Waititu as a member of the newly formed Nairobi Rivers Commission. In what turns out to be satire straight out of a playwrights scene, Mr. Waititu had left Kenyans in wondering after suggesting that buildings built on Riparian […]

Politics

Ruto Owes his Victory to my Bad Leadership – Uhuru

Former President Uhuru Kenyatta has taken credit for William Ruto’s win, saying that Ruto would not have seen the gates of State House if he had Uhuru’s support. Speaking from Ichaweri where he spent the morning trapping moles that have been eating his sweet potatoes since 2003, Uhuru said that his action (or lack of […]

Politics

World Leaders react to Appointment of Rigathi Gachagua as Ruto’s Running Mate

Congratulatory messages continue to pour in from different parts of the world following the appointment of Rigathi Gachagua as Ruto’s running mate for the 2022 General Elections. Leader from different parts of the world have reacted differently to the news which caught no one by surprise, although everybody was surprised. From the East Arican community, […]

Politics

Itumbi Needs more Injuries to Qualify as Ruto’s Running Mate – Waiguru

Recent TangaTanga convert Ann Waiguru has said that Dennis Itumbi’s injuries are not sufficient to make him Ruto’s running mate in the 2022 General Elections. Speaking after it became clear that clear that Itumbi was getting more attention than everybody else in Central Kenya, Waiguru said that the attention would not amount to anything meaningful […]

Politics

Ruto Willing to Resign On Condition Raila is not Appointed DP

Deputy President William Ruto has admitted that he is willing to resign from the government if the decision will not be used against him, or for the benefit of his enemies. After months of civil war within the jubilee party, the DP has refused to resign and instead used his office to promote his bottom […]

Politics

Ruto asks Close Allies to Minimize Corruption as witch-hunt Begins

Kenya’s Deputy President William Ruto has requested his close allies to minimize all acts of corruption after his relationship with the President hit an all-time low. Speaking at his Karen residence, Ruto said that the next few months will see people close to him being targeted and accused of all sorts of crimes, and so […]