President William Ruto has opened up about his harrowing childhood, marred by the absence of that golden, flaky delight: the chapati. Speaking at the inaugural National Chapati Appreciation Symposium (NCAS) held at the Kenyatta International Convention Centre, the President bared his soul, leaving attendees in a state of dough-induced disbelief. “I remember those dark days,” […]
President William has vehemently denied any involvement in the abduction of John Wick’s puppy. This follows social media reports linking him to the puppy’s disappearance, which Ruto strongly refuted. In a hastily convened press conference, Ruto denied any connection to the incident and issued a stern warning to those implicating him: they will face abduction […]
The Government of Kenya has proposed reforms to the appointment process of Catholic Bishops, citing national security concerns as the reason for their involvement. In a letter addressed to Pope Francis, the Kenyan Government expressed worries that some current Bishops do not meet the standards outlined in Chapter Six of the constitution. They emphasized the […]
In a groundbreaking discovery that has left theologians and historians scratching their heads, recent archeological evidence suggests that the Apostle Peter was holding an axe when Jesus famously asked Zacchaeus to come down from the sycamore tree. The discovery was made by a team of archeologists who were excavating what is believed to be the […]
Kenyan politicians have warned that a threat to The Finance Bill 2024 is a threat to your safety since a cut in budgeted corruption will force them to come for the money directly from your pockets. Speaking after the second reading of the Finance Bill 2024, Majority Leader Kimani Ichungwa warned that a decline in […]
The International Monetary Fund has expressed confidence that the running of Project Kenya is still satisfactory, even though the designated manager relocated out of the country. Speaking to higher powers that she must answer to, IMF Mission Chief to Kenya Haimanot Teferra said that Ruto is a regular visitor to Kenya and during his short […]
Nairobi, Kenya – In a remarkable turn of events, citizens across the nation have put their cynicism aside and wholeheartedly embraced President Ruto’s groundbreaking housing fund initiative. Despite the challenging economic climate and widespread mistrust in government initiatives, Kenyans from all walks of life are reportedly thrilled to contribute a generous 3% of their hard-earned […]
Nairobi, Kenya – In a stunning display of progressive governance, the esteemed President of Kenya, Dr. William Samoei Ruto, has once again proven his unwavering dedication to the people. In a move that has left the nation awe-inspired, President Ruto has announced the grand launch of the National Car Purchase Fund (NCPF), a visionary initiative […]
The Government of Kenya has warned that service delivery may be at risk due to an acute shortage of competent Kalenjin professionals to run key institutions. In a presser to Kalenjin Radio Stations, the Head of Public Service warned that the government will not be in a position to deliver on its promises unless more […]
Opposition Chief Raila Odinga has unveiled a plan to recruit 17,000 orcs that will help him get rid of the illegal president William Ruto from State House. According to a plan released by ODM communication director Philip Etale on Sunday, the Orcs will help in creating a critical mass necessary for mass street demos, something […]
