Politics

Uhuru Kenyatta Extremely Tired of Kenyans

President Uhuru Kenyatta opened up about his frustrations with the people he leads, citing their recklessness, ingratitude, incessant complaining and lack of purpose.

In an emotional letter sent to one of his Penpals in the African Union, Uhuru said that he regrets being the president of Kenya and would not wish anyone else to go through what he goes through.

Citing his recent media appearances, he said that he was crucified for giving a speech in English, then then crucified again for giving a speech in Kikuyu. “It is like they want me to use sign language only.”

“When I refused to evacuate people from Wuhan, Kenyans complained. When I allowed countries to evacuate their citizen from Kenya, people complained. When I refused to close the air space, they complained. When I closed the airspace, they complained. When I refused to issue a shelter in place order, people complained and when I issued a cessation of movement order in some parts, people complained.”

“The pain has been so much to the extent that I had to quit social media. Kenyans are just hard wired to complain no matter the good or the bad you do. It is now extremely hard to tell when I am doing fine, and when I am doing wrong because there is no positive criticism. All I get is response from the committee of black hearts.”

“Although I am big in business, being the president is not a side hustle to me. I take Kenya very seriously and its only that Kenyans do not reciprocate. Even after elections, I was criticized for winning, then after that criticized for working with the losers. Right now, I do not know what else to do for Kenyans.”

The president is now threatening to dissolve the country and let everybody go back to where they came from, so that people can learn from experience. “Let the Bantus go back to Central Africa, the Nilotes to the Nile Valley and the Cushites to the horn of Africa. We can shut down the country and see what people will be complaining about.”