Politics

Newly formed Jaba Party of Kenya Registers 6 million Members

The balance of power in Kenya has shifted after a newly formed political party – Jaba Party of Kenya – registered more than 6 million members in less than three months.

The party which boasts of membership around the country with functional branches in almost every street and village is likely to alter the outcome of 2022’s general election. This could be the biggest disruption ever in Kenya because the Jaba Party has a radically different manifesto.

Already, the traditional parties are beginning to feel the threat posed by the new party on the block. A member of the ruling party expressed their fears and concerns about the Jaba Party of Kenya. “They now have 6 million members, and counting. To put this in perspective, Uhuru Kenyatta got only 7 million votes when he competed against himself during the 2017 repeat election. With these numbers, Statehouse is just a few meters away for the Party’s presidential candidate, even before the first vote is cast.”

Chewing Manifesto

While details of the newly formed party have evaded traditional media outlets, PostaMate can reveal that the Manifesto is aimed at taking things slowly.

The party wants Kenyans to relax and not suffer through life in a useless rat race. They want Kenyans to take the afternoon off, listening to some slow music and keeping their mouth busy (as long as it is with zero calories). They want children to learn ‘our roots,’ and wants brothers in Ethiopia to stop fighting each other.

The party argues that there is no need for overtaxing people when the government can just print money and let people rest. There is also no need for white collar jobs when people with no collar jobs are living their best lives now.

The party has its roots in Embu and Meru Counties, although the majority of the members are not in those counties. Most members are in urban areas and the Somalis also form a formidable voting block. Every county boasts of registered members. The party is even green and organic. The revolution has began.

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