In a bold move to save the planet, a coalition of environmental activists has called for the complete abolition of farming, citing its “unacceptable” use of water and “problematic” impact on the Earth. The group, known as “H2-No More,” rallied outside a local Whole Foods, chanting, “No more farms, no more harm!” while holding signs […]
President William Ruto has opened up about his harrowing childhood, marred by the absence of that golden, flaky delight: the chapati. Speaking at the inaugural National Chapati Appreciation Symposium (NCAS) held at the Kenyatta International Convention Centre, the President bared his soul, leaving attendees in a state of dough-induced disbelief. “I remember those dark days,” […]
Nairobi, Kenya – In a twist that has left football fans and political analysts equally bewildered, Musalia Mudavadi, the seasoned politician and current Prime Cabinet Secretary, was named Player of the Year at the recent Football Kenya Federation (FKF) awards gala. The announcement was met with a mix of applause, laughter, and sheer confusion as […]
In a groundbreaking discovery that has left theologians and historians scratching their heads, recent archeological evidence suggests that the Apostle Peter was holding an axe when Jesus famously asked Zacchaeus to come down from the sycamore tree. The discovery was made by a team of archeologists who were excavating what is believed to be the […]
Kenya Airways has asked passengers without luggage to consider alighting around Ngong,’ following the possibility that protesters might occupy JKIA. In a memo to travelers from London, New York, Cairo, Dubai, Mumbai, Amsterdam and Johannesburg, KQ said that it would make sense for passengers to ‘abandon plane’ the moment they spot Ngong’ hills and parachute […]
Gang leaders in the troubled Caribbean nation of Haiti have offered to send a strong force of 1000 members to restore law and order in the Kenya Police Service. This comes amid increasing police violence against peaceful protesters in Kenya. Haitian gang leader Jimmy Chérizier, alias ‘Barbecue’ said that he was concerned about the increasing […]
In an unprecedented event that has left Brits steaming, an American tourist in London was arrested after committing the unfathomable act of attempting to microwave a cup of tea. The tourist, whose name has been withheld for his protection from tea enthusiasts, now faces several felony charges including “Assault on British Heritage” and “Reckless Endangerment […]
Every day, millions of drivers around the world engage in a dangerous and addictive game: trying to beat the GPS time estimate. The game is simple: enter your destination on your GPS device or app, and try to arrive faster than the estimated time of arrival. Sounds fun, right? Wrong. This game has serious consequences […]
Local businessman and self-made millionaire, John Mwangi, has announced his retirement from the world of entrepreneurship after securing a coveted position at Quickmart Supermarket. Mwangi, who according to information from Linkedin, started his online marketing agency at the age of 19 and grew it to a multi-million dollar enterprise, said he was ready to hang […]
NANYUKI, KENYA – In a press conference held at one of the conservancies in Northern Kenya, billionaire philanthropist Bill Gates announced his latest project: turning lions into vegetarians. Gates, who has been vocal about the environmental and health benefits of plant-based diets, said he was inspired by the success of lab-grown meat and plant-based burgers. […]
