Sports Archives - PostaMate

The best in sports Satire.

Sports

ARSENAL SET FOR EUROPEAN GLORY, AS SPURS EYE THE EPL. CLOSER HOME, GOR MAHIA TO BE UPSET!

Without a doubt, it is obvious that Arsenal Football Club, enjoys a massive fanatical following, the World over! Sources indicate that the global Arsenal fan-base is to the tune of 120 million. However, with the huge following and support, the London-based club has been the center of ridicule, especially due to the fact that other

Religion Sports

Pastor Ng’ang’a to hold Special Prayer Session for Arsenal FC

Famed Kenyan televangelist Pastor James Maina Ng’ang’a of Neno Evangelism Center has come to the rescue of Arsenal Football Club and will be holding a three-day prayer and fasting session for both the club and the fans. Speaking after the Sunday service at his Nairobi headquarters, Pastor Ng’ang’a said that he had heeded to the

Sports

Arsenal Wants the ‘Winner-Takes-All’ Football Point System Changed

Arsenal Football Club is seeking for reforms in football, arguing that the winner takes all system that is used to award points has made players too aggressive and has negative consequences on the fans all over. The club which is now strongly rooted at the basement of the EPL table wants radical reforms in the

Sports

Manchester United to Replace Harry Maguire with a Teddy Bear

Manchester United has moved with speed to strengthen their defense by replacing Harry Maguire with a second hand teddy bear whose main quality is the ability to make the ball bounce off its fluffy body. Following the United’s 6-1 defeat to Tottenham yesterday, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has said that a teddy bear was a more

Sports

East Africans Tired of Winning all Marathons

People from the Eastern Africa region have expressed frustrations on having to win almost all marathons in the world, making it no longer interesting because the world offers little competition. Speaking after the London marathon where Eastern Africa athletes had to slow down to keep up with the world, marathoners lamented that it is no

Sports

Eliud Kipchoge Graciously allows other Human Beings to Win a Marathon

Kenyan marathoner Eliud Kipchoge was overcome with humility and had to drop out of the winning pack to let other people taste the feeling of winning marathons. In the greatest show of humility by the first man to run a marathon under 2 hours in the world, Eliud Kipchoge intentionally slowed down to let the

Sports

Manchester United set to Sign 3 New Penalty takers

Manchester United is hoping to sign three new penalty takers in the current transfer window, further strengthening the position of the club as a global Penalty FC. In an unconfirmed report from the Manchester club, it is said that the club seeks to capitalize on penalties during the next season and having the right penalty

Sports

Bayern Munich Banned from all UEFA Matches for Three Years

The Union of European Football Associations (UEFA) has banned the German football club Bayern Munich from participating in any football match involving non German teams for three years for what it calls sports terrorism. This follows the team’s win against FC Barcelona where they decimated both their defense and their dignity. The ban which takes