Sports

Nairobi Hospital Offers Free Therapy Sessions for Arsenal Fans

The Nairobi Hospital has opened its doors to upper class Kenyans who support Arsenal FC to go for free therapy.

In a statement to the media, Hospital Chief Executive James Nyamongo who also happens to be an Arsenal Fan said that he fully understands what Arsenal fans are going through at the moment, and the hospital wants to be part of the solution.

“It is not easy for any of us. Arsenal fans are people of great hope but this hope has not translated to anything in the recent history. Many people know what it is like to be humiliated for a day, but few know what it is like to endure humiliation for more than seven years. Seven years is what it takes for the most resilient people to break.”

He invited the fans to go for free therapy because things were getting thick, and the failure of Arsenal FC was now being transferred to other areas of the fans’ lives.

“Arsenal fans are now under-performing at work. They are always moody and some are losing their jobs because of poor performance. Many cannot be promoted at work because every promotion leads to a new title, something they are not used to. Therapy will help cure this.”

A Country of Arsenal Fans

The free therapy sessions for Arsenal fans are only available to rich Kenyans, owing to the fact that Nairobi Hospital is a five star medical facility. Ordinary fans will have to find their luck at the Mathari Hospital, where Kipchumba Murkomen has negotiated for them to get the service there for free.

Earlier in the year, President Uhuru Kenyatta, an Arsenal fan, had asked fellow supporters to consider celebrating ‘small wins’ such as successful passes completed and red cards avoided. His advice was informed by the fact that he is unable to do any official function any day following an Arsenal match.

Arsenal has also been blamed for the poor state of the country, Kenya, since a leading number of politicians support the club. By analyzing political posts by leading politicians, PostaMate established that many politicians are actually Arsenal fans. These include Kalonzo Musyoka, William Ruto, Raila Odinga, Ali Hassan Joho and Mike Sonko.