President William has vehemently denied any involvement in the abduction of John Wick’s puppy. This follows social media reports linking him to the puppy’s disappearance, which Ruto strongly refuted.
In a hastily convened press conference, Ruto denied any connection to the incident and issued a stern warning to those implicating him: they will face abduction themselves.
“I swear before God, I have not laid my hands on that puppy. Heck, I’m even allergic to dogs. I urge the concerned party to show mercy, and I assure him that he will have his puppy back within two working hours. Let us resolve this matter amicably.”
Ruto emphasized that the ongoing abductions, which he claims have nothing to do with him, are targeting government critics. He stated that whoever is responsible for the abductions could not have targeted John Wick’s puppy unless the dog was critical of the government, which it fortunately is not and never will be. He called on social media users spreading these rumors to cease before they are stopped. “We have freedom of speech in Kenya, but certain kinds of truths should never be shared on social media. Let us not propagandize government policy.”
In light of recent government-sanctioned abductions in Kenya, Ruto denied any involvement, asserting that he could never knowingly abduct anyone’s puppy, let alone John Wick’s. “I can neither confirm nor deny that John Wick’s puppy was abducted, but I categorically state that my government was not involved.”
At the time of going to press, hooded men were spotted at State House Kenya, apparently offering sacrifices to the god of John Wick.
