If you are a man, forget about climate change because your gender may not live long enough to see it. A research has shown that the males of the human species will not see the dusk of the century and the best they can hope for is late 2090s.
Carried out by the human genome lab inside Caroline Mutoko’s head, the findings have sent governments, individuals, WHO, ILO, African Union, EU, NASA and all men sympathizers into panic. Even terrorist organization which hugely depend on men to run their operations are back to the drawing board.
Announcing the new findings, Caroline Mutoko only uttered two words which are now trending on global media: ‘Men Cancelled’.
And if you think that you can escape the spell because you are a hyena, shock on you. Even the males of all other species that have a behavioral association with the human men will face the same fate.
Devil in the Detailer
Details of the looming extinctions are scanty since Caroline Mutoko’s lab did not give further details as it was busy researching on the empirical evidence that men never existed in the first place. However, disciples of the revered lab have a few theories to explain the findings.
Men will be extinct because they love work and will go to whatever length it takes to keep the earth rotating on its own axis. They have exposed themselves to toxic fumes as they weld, some spend the night in the cold while guarding people who are sleeping, while others are too fixated on putting food on the table such that they have no time for make-up. This will lead to their extinction.
Other men who do not want to bankrupt their families seeking treatment for the 16 types of bodies aches that have been persistent for the last 7 years will pay the ultimate cost. Even showing up for demonstrations which increases chances of being shot is one factor that puts the viability of men beyond 2100 in question.
Men interviewed by PostaMate had nothing to say. Most of them were too busy with 2020 to comprehend the concept of the year 2100.
Its only one mkokoteni operator at the famous Muthurwa market who had a few words for Caroline Mutoko. “If the highest aim of a captain were to preserve his ship, he would keep it in port forever.”
PostaMate is a satirical publication by PostaMate Media. Read more HERE