New Oral Male Contraceptive to be Administered through Free Beer

The burden on birth control is about to shift from women to men after scientists got a major breakthrough in administering the oral male birth control pill.

Several months after its launch, the male birth control pill failed to take off because scientists could not get men to swallow the pill. They are not even good at swallowing anything. The pill was dead on arrival.

After several months of research, a scientist from South Africa came up with a proposal that could help men who were hesitant to take the pill. By altering the chemical structure of the pill, the contraceptive can be fused with beer and offered for free, with a requirement to be taken daily!

“The male pill goes by the formula C31H47O3 while the chemical formula of beer is C2H6O. You notice that they have the same ingredients and if you dilute beer, you can end up with C62H186O31. This shows that the pill can be accommodated in beer and since Carbon, Hydrogen, and Oxygen are freely found on planet earth, this product can be offered for free.”

C2H6O beer laced with C31H47O3 male contraceptive

Positive Test Results

Early results from the tests proved very promising. “The new alcohol-based male contraceptive showed 100% effectiveness when tested on a group of men in South Africa. It would cut the sperm count from the normal range of 15 – 200 million to exactly 3. That’s only three pieces. This is a wonder drug!”

The alcohol-based oral male contraceptive also wins when it comes to attitude. Previously, the pill had received little or no acceptability. Of the 250 men involved in the study, all of them were too happy to have a reason to drink every day, including drinking at work. Never in the history of medicine did a patient show much enthusiasm for a drug.”


Gender policy expert Tracy Nuttelos said the breakthrough medicine was a great step for mankind. “This is a great day for both men and women. Men can drink as much as they want while at the same time, taking a huge responsibility off the shoulders of women. Someone should have thought of this earlier.”

West African-based anthropologist Kai Komai, known for hatred of anything male, also welcomed the idea of a male contraceptive that is administered through beer, but in a weird way. “I am happy. They can now drink away their masculinity without abandon.”

Alcohol manufacturers warned that the free beer would eat into their margins, while the birth control aspect would rob them of future customers.

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