The Kenya Police spokesperson today received a consignment of clubs from their counterparts in United States of America in a global co-operation agreement to fight COVID The spokesperson also thanked their Chinese counterparts for donating clubs no longer needed in Hong Kong COVID fights that erupted earlier this year and wish them luck with their […]
Author: David
NMS: Repainting Nairobi Will End Traffic Jams
While the world is grappling with a pandemic with Kenyan cases of Covid-19 on the rise, the Nairobi Metropolitan Services decided it was time to get the nation’s capital in order. “I think we can all agree that this is long overdue” said General Abdi in a room full of paint buckets. The Arts and […]
Kenyan Police to protesters: “We are Here to End Police Brutality Against You”
In a recent “March for our Lives” organized by activists across Nairobi county, the Kenyan police decided it was time to end police brutality once and for all by firing teargas canisters at peaceful protesters. According to an article by a leading news station, tensions leading to the protests had been brewing for weeks and […]
Kalonzo Finally Relinquishes his Melon Tendencies to join Jubilee
Kalonzo Muskoka has finally come out of his melon shell to join President Kenyatta’s Jubilee coalition, but without formally denouncing the NASA pact. The decision leaves the indecisive soft-spoken political skimmer at an elevated position likely to benefit from either side of the political divide. While affirming this, Kalonzo quoted Chinua Achebe’s Arrow of God […]
Government of Kenya Diagnosed with Amnesia Following Failure to Recall Evicting Residents
A Government wide amnesia has struck the Government of Kenya, making the entire tax guzzling system forget ever evicting any Kenyans in the middle of the night and in the middle of a pandemic. Speaking from a hospital bed, the Government spokesperson Cyrus Oguna said he woke up traumatized that by news that the Government […]
Hatched from an Egg of Impunity, The honest chick Anne Waiguru
The phrase “the end justifies the means” could have made no better sense than yesterday in the senate when a majority of the senators unanimously supported a committee of eleven members to try Anne Waiguru. It came after a majority senator rooted for committee way, citing the ease of bribing 11, compared to 67 demanded […]
‘To be an Earthly Ruler, Invest on Earth as Much as in Heaven’ – Talai Elders.
Recently, the hustler from Sugoi paid homage to the powerful Talai elders in Nandi. Known for their crucial role in anointing kings from the time of Koitalel Arap Samoei, the elders undisputedly holds the key to Statehouse. It is in the public domain that Moi, Kibaki, and now Uhuru were single-handedly installed to the throne […]
Kenyans Miss Run-in with the Police, want Curfew Reverted to 7PM.
Roughly a week after the 7PM to 5AM curfew was expanded to 9PM, Kenyans have expressed their dismay with the revised curfew hours. Word on the street is that people are too calm with citizens reportedly bored by the lack of excitement when it’s time to go home. They miss living on the edge, the […]
Kenyan Politician Donates Buckets to Help Constituents Bathe in a Dry River
A Member of Parliament in Kenya, last seen napping in The National Assembly, is under fire after reports emerged that he came to the aid of his constituents by donating buckets in order to avert the dangers of bathing in the river. The gesture came amid protests from the area residents decrying lack of access […]
Amerix Named the Leading Cause of Divorce in Kenya
The Division of Family Promotion and Social Welfare in Kenya has named Amerix as the leading cause of broken relationships and divorced marriages, terming the condition as the quest for the Amerix Dream. This comes even as the Judiciary expressed concern over the number of men seeking to divorce their wives over flimsy reasons, something […]
