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KQ Announces 4.1 Billion in Profit from Selling Lost Luggage

Kenya Airways has declared a record 4.1 billion in profit for the quarter ending March 2020, reversing the loss-making trend that had plagued the airline for the last 7 years.

In the financial reports that were announced by the new Chief Executive, Kenya airways has shown a remarkable turnaround in revenue and profits, making a profit for the first time in history since anyone can remember.

“We had a great performance in this quarter despite the slowdown in the global air transport due to Covid-19 outbreak. Our performance was backed by sale of lost and misplaced luggage which generated more than KShs 6.5 billion, thus helping us to realize a profit,” said the CEO.

Kenya Airways will now focus more on luggage, especially misplacing customer luggage and hoping that the owners can give up on following up. Already, anyone calling to claim lost luggage is made to wait for 3 hours on call, then transferred through 19 offices in the hope that they will give up.

The airline is also working in collaboration with various auctioneers and second hand goods dealers so that they can get the best deal for the newly found cash cow. “This year we project that lost luggage will generate KShs 13 billion, and we are putting up several measures to attain that target.”

Asked how they could achieve that, the airline said that they will train their staff on how to deliberately misplace luggage, procure faulty stickers which easily fall off, and transfer their laziest staff to the luggage department.

Already, shares of the company have started to soar at the Nairobi Securities Exchange, and the Pride of Africa is ready to reclaim its lost glory.