Sports

Bayern Munich Banned from all UEFA Matches for Three Years

The Union of European Football Associations (UEFA) has banned the German football club Bayern Munich from participating in any football match involving non German teams for three years for what it calls sports terrorism. This follows the team’s win against FC Barcelona where they decimated both their defense and their dignity.

The ban which takes place immediately is meant to give them team a chance to rehabilitate and turn back to conventional football, something Bayern has been unable to do. “You cannot play football with a Basketball mentality. If you really need to keep scoring countless goals, you better switch to basketball!”

Recent Battlegrounds

The club which recently abandoned all the passive aggressive tactics they were using in favor of full-blown war has gotten the world a little worried. “It’s like the Germans are trying to take over the world (again). Someone has to stop them before it is too late.” Argued an Argentinian football player who is rethinking his future in football.

“In football, the dignity of your opponent is as important as your own victory. The rule is to gather your points and leave room for hope and dreaming. Its just football, not Armageddon.”

A former Spanish football player and now a coach of a major team in London (who spoke on condition of anonymity) said that Bayern Munich is missing the point. “Some of the most successful teams in football have very limited interaction with goals. In one season, the Gunners score the same number of goals that Bayern scores in a match, but fans are still happy. Bayern needs to learn that football is not annihilation.”