Legislators in Kenya Warned against Using the Bathroom During Online Sessions

The speaker of the National Assembly, Justin Muturi, has cautioned the Members of Parliament in Kenya against using the bathroom while in online parliamentary sessions.

Following a series of small oops to the obviously embarrassing ones, the speaker said that the House was quickly losing dignity due to members using the toilet while following online proceedings. Some were even making contributions to important bills while seated on that white throne.

“We have been interrupted by strange noises that no one wants to comment about. The sound of tissue paper tearing is very obvious, just like that of liquids dripping or solids plunging into water. It is so bad that you can even smell it online. This has to stop.”

The speaker also said that their IT department is forced to monitor the video stream of every member so that they can cut off the video if a member unknowingly forgets to turn off the video before going to the bathroom. Despite their best efforts, a few moments have slipped since there are almost 300 people to monitor.

“We started with several incidences where we were forced to watch live as a member relieved themselves with their video on. That marked the end of an important debate on national security matter, because the members of opposition ended up debating the number of toilet paper sheets that the government allied member used.”

Dedicated Home Office

The speaker said that members must learn the separation of online session and life, arguing that they were turning parliamentary proceedings into something very disgusting, and at times, into an OnlyFans account.

Members of Parliament will now be required to use a dedicated home office using a fixed device, and not a mobile phone. This will ensure that nobody walks to the bathroom while in live session. They will also be expected to dress formally while attending the sessions.

Kenya is not the only country struggling to make their Parliamentarians behave during online sessions. Since the Covid-19 pandemic, MPs have been holding sessions online and several incidences have been reported worldwide. A Canadian MP was caught on camera peeing in a cup, days after appearing naked live on camera.