In a desperate attempt to boost their dwindling numbers, Harakat al-Shabaab al-Mujahideen, commonly known as al-Shabaab, has launched a new campaign to recruit short people for their terrorist organization.
The campaign, dubbed “Short and Proud”, features posters and videos of short militants carrying out attacks and mocking the infidels for their height.
“Short people are the best fighters because they can sneak under the radar, fit in small spaces, and surprise the enemy with their speed and agility,” said one of the spokesmen for Al-Shabab, who claimed to be 5’1″.
He also said that short people have a special place in paradise, where they will be rewarded with 72 virgins who are all shorter than them.
Response
The campaign has been met with mixed reactions from the public. Some short people have expressed interest in joining Al-Shabab, saying that they feel discriminated and oppressed by the tall society. Police and the military have also consistently discriminated against short people, unless they are rich.
Others have denounced the campaign as a pathetic and desperate attempt to exploit short people’s insecurities and brainwash them into violence. One of them, a 4’9″ accountant from Nairobi, who said that he is happy with his height and has no interest in joining Al-Shabab.
“I don’t need to blow myself up to prove my worth,” he said. “I have a good job, a loving wife, and a nice house. And I can always use a stool if I need to reach something high.”
Al-Shabab Justification
While conventional militaries like Kenya Defense Forces loo down (literally)on short people, research has shown that Al-Shabab could have a point.
Short people may have some advantages in certain military roles, such as being able to fit in tight spaces, move stealthily, or operate smaller vehicles. Some of the reasons cited by Al-Shaba include:
- They have a swarmer boxing style, which means they fight in close range and pressure their opponents with hooks and uppercuts.
- They can train in different martial arts that suit their strengths, such as Muay Thai, Judo, or Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
- They can use their speed, agility, and leverage to overcome taller fighters who may have more reach and power.
