U.S. Says Kenya’s Cobalt Deposits Not Sufficient to Warrant Intervention

WASHINGTON—Expressing frustration over the lack of a viable pretext for military action, U.S. officials confirmed Monday that they were disappointed by the recent discovery of cobalt deposits in Kenya, saying it was not enough to warrant sending democracy to the African nation. “We were hoping to find something more substantial, like uranium or oil, that […]


Al-Shabab Launches New Campaign to Recruit Short People

In a desperate attempt to boost their dwindling numbers, Harakat al-Shabaab al-Mujahideen, commonly known as al-Shabaab, has launched a new campaign to recruit short people for their terrorist organization. The campaign, dubbed “Short and Proud”, features posters and videos of short militants carrying out attacks and mocking the infidels for their height. “Short people are […]


Military Coup Leader Claims He Was Just Following Orders

In a shocking twist of events, the leader of the military coup that overthrew the democratically elected government of the Republic of Bananastan has claimed that he was just following orders from his superiors. General Banana Peel, who led the coup on Monday, said that he had no choice but to execute the plan that […]


Israel Defense Forces Vow to Stand with Palestinians, Just like Everybody Else

Israel Defense Forces has made a commitment to stand with Palestinian people following the escalation of violence between Palestine and Israel in recent weeks. In an attempt to keep up with the trend where every person and country stands with Palestine, Israeli forces said that they are going to promote a few hashtags and send […]


EU Terms the Myanmar Coup ‘Free and Fair’

The Head of the European Union (EU) Delegation in Myanmar has said they are impressed with the level of organization and peaceful conduct exhibited during the recent military coup that saw the de-facto leader Aung San Suu Kyi and President Win Myint detained by the military. “We saw an extremely well-organized coup exercise with soldiers […]


Twelve Days of Violence Officially Kick off in Uganda

The 12 days of violence, tear gas, bullets and military action kicked off officially this morning in Uganda, with President Museveni promising a revamped version of what is was during the days of Kizza Besigye. The 12-day period which starts on the day just before the election is a rite that all Ugandans go through […]


Ministry of Defence explains Why they had to take over Kenya Meat Commission

The Ministry of Defence has defended their takeover of Kenya Meat Commission, saying that the move was in line with their long term war strategies. Nobody saw the takeover coming, and their move to defend the takeover could simply be informed by the fact that they are a defense ministry and will defend anything that […]