The United States Agency for International Development (USAID) is facing mounting criticism over its multi-billion-dollar sanitation initiative, Flush Flats, a towering complex of high-rise buildings in Nairobi designed to address the city’s dire lack of toilet facilities in informal settlements. Launched two years ago with a staggering $4.7 billion budget, the project has transformed the […]
Kigali, Rwanda – In a move hailed as a diplomatic checkmate by absolutely no one with a functioning brain, Rwandan President Paul Kagame has offered to withdraw his totally-not-there troops from the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC)—but only if the international community agrees to a little condition: admitting that Rwanda doesn’t have troops in the […]
Newly appointed leader of the White House Faith Office, Paula Michelle White-Cain, commenced her duties as America’s foremost exorcist by declaring an all-out war on small and medium-sized demons (SMDs). Addressing the press from her White House office, White proclaimed, “This war on SMDs is officially underway! No demon, medium or small, will stand in […]
Washington, D.C. – In a shocking twist that’s more dramatic than a soap opera, President Donald Trump has decided to yank the rug from under the CIA by withdrawing funding from USAID, leaving thousands of covert operatives around the globe without their handy NGO disguise. For decades, USAID has been the perfect cover for CIA […]
Expecting foolish Americans to attempt to migrate to Canada after Donald Trump won the election, Canada has moved with speed to build a 5-meter-tall wall along its 8000 km border with the US to stop the looming influx of dejected Americans. The move followed a realization that it was the end of the road for […]
WASHINGTON—Expressing frustration over the lack of a viable pretext for military action, U.S. officials confirmed Monday that they were disappointed by the recent discovery of cobalt deposits in Kenya, saying it was not enough to warrant sending democracy to the African nation. “We were hoping to find something more substantial, like uranium or oil, that […]
The world was shocked when Donald Trump announced his intention to run for president again in 2024, after being impeached twice, banned from social media, and sued by multiple states and individuals. Many people wondered how he could possibly have any supporters left, let alone enough to win the election. But as we learned from […]
TORONTO, ON – A new study from the University of Toronto has revealed a shocking trend: Nigerian men who migrate to Canada are losing their wives to the more romantic Canadian men. The study, which surveyed over 1,000 Nigerian-Canadian couples, found that 87% of Nigerian women reported being happier and more satisfied with their Canadian […]
In a shocking turn of events, OpenAI, the leading artificial intelligence research lab, has announced plans to lay off 700 of its human employees and replace them with its own creation, ChatGPT. The decision comes after a late-night board meeting where the AI itself made a compelling argument about its ability to perform the tasks […]
The United Nations (UN) has announced a new initiative to address one of the most pressing issues facing humanity: the problem of socks missing one partner. The UN Secretary-General, Antonio Guterres, said that this issue has caused “untold suffering and frustration” for millions of people around the world, and that it is time to take […]
