Newly appointed leader of the White House Faith Office, Paula Michelle White-Cain, commenced her duties as America’s foremost exorcist by declaring an all-out war on small and medium-sized demons (SMDs). Addressing the press from her White House office, White proclaimed, “This war on SMDs is officially underway! No demon, medium or small, will stand in […]
Washington, D.C. – In a shocking twist that’s more dramatic than a soap opera, President Donald Trump has decided to yank the rug from under the CIA by withdrawing funding from USAID, leaving thousands of covert operatives around the globe without their handy NGO disguise. For decades, USAID has been the perfect cover for CIA […]
Expecting foolish Americans to attempt to migrate to Canada after Donald Trump won the election, Canada has moved with speed to build a 5-meter-tall wall along its 8000 km border with the US to stop the looming influx of dejected Americans. The move followed a realization that it was the end of the road for […]
WASHINGTON—Expressing frustration over the lack of a viable pretext for military action, U.S. officials confirmed Monday that they were disappointed by the recent discovery of cobalt deposits in Kenya, saying it was not enough to warrant sending democracy to the African nation. “We were hoping to find something more substantial, like uranium or oil, that […]
The world was shocked when Donald Trump announced his intention to run for president again in 2024, after being impeached twice, banned from social media, and sued by multiple states and individuals. Many people wondered how he could possibly have any supporters left, let alone enough to win the election. But as we learned from […]
TORONTO, ON – A new study from the University of Toronto has revealed a shocking trend: Nigerian men who migrate to Canada are losing their wives to the more romantic Canadian men. The study, which surveyed over 1,000 Nigerian-Canadian couples, found that 87% of Nigerian women reported being happier and more satisfied with their Canadian […]
In a shocking turn of events, OpenAI, the leading artificial intelligence research lab, has announced plans to lay off 700 of its human employees and replace them with its own creation, ChatGPT. The decision comes after a late-night board meeting where the AI itself made a compelling argument about its ability to perform the tasks […]
The United Nations (UN) has announced a new initiative to address one of the most pressing issues facing humanity: the problem of socks missing one partner. The UN Secretary-General, Antonio Guterres, said that this issue has caused “untold suffering and frustration” for millions of people around the world, and that it is time to take […]
John Smith, a 35-year-old accountant from Kansas City, Missouri, is enjoying a peaceful and happy life because he knows nothing about the Middle East conflict. Smith, who has never traveled outside the US, said that he has no interest in learning about the history, politics, or culture of the region, and that he prefers to […]
The National Museums of Kenya has announced that they will remain closed during the entire period of the visit of King Charles III, the monarch of the United Kingdom and other Commonwealth realms. The authorities said that all the museum facilities in the country will remain closed and under increased security during the visit, although […]
